A review from someone who scheduled their eight-year-old for travel soccer, piano, tutoring, and coding camp before realizing they’d become exactly what this book warned about

In 1981, David Elkind looked at American childhood and saw something alarming: children being pushed to grow up too fast. Dressed like mini-adults. Scheduled like CEOs. Expected to handle adult information, adult pressures, and adult responsibilities years before they were developmentally ready.

Four decades later, The Hurried Child reads less like a warning and more like a prophecy fulfilled. Everything Elkind worried about has intensified. The hurrying hasn’t stopped—it’s accelerated. 🤯

But is this classic still relevant? Or has the world changed so much that protecting childhood is now impossible—maybe even irresponsible? Let’s slow down and examine.

What Is This Book? 🤔

David Elkind is a child psychologist who spent his career studying cognitive development, building on the work of Jean Piaget. He observed children in clinical practice, schools, and families, watching trends that concerned him deeply.

The central premise: Children are being pressured to grow up too fast, and this hurrying causes significant harm to their development, mental health, and wellbeing.

Elkind identified multiple forces hurrying children:

• Parents pushing academic achievement earlier and earlier
• Schools demanding kindergarteners perform like first-graders
• Media exposing children to adult content prematurely
• Sports treating young children like professional athletes
• Fashion dressing children as miniature adults
• Divorce and family stress requiring children to be emotionally sophisticated too young

The book covers:

• How hurrying manifests across domains
• Why children aren’t “short adults” developmentally
• The psychological costs of hurrying
• How stress affects children differently than adults
• Protecting childhood without handicapping children
• Finding balance between preparation and pressure

Originally published in 1981 and updated multiple times since, it remains startlingly relevant. 📖

The Good Stuff ✅

The Core Insight Has Only Become More True

Elkind’s central observation—that childhood is being compressed and accelerated—has intensified dramatically since 1981:

Then:

• Kindergarten was for play and socialization
• Travel sports started in middle school
• College pressure began in high school
• Children had unsupervised neighborhood play

Now:

• Kindergarteners have homework and reading benchmarks
• Travel sports recruit five-year-olds
• College pressure starts in elementary school
• Unsupervised play has nearly disappeared

If Elkind was worried in 1981, he’d be horrified now. The book’s relevance has only increased. 📈

It Provides Developmental Grounding

Elkind explains why hurrying is harmful—not just morally problematic but developmentally destructive:

“Children are not simply small adults. Their thinking, emotional processing, and stress responses are qualitatively different.”

Key developmental realities:

• Abstract thinking develops gradually through adolescence
• Emotional regulation capacity builds over years
• Stress affects developing brains differently than mature ones
• Social understanding emerges through stages
• Learning readiness has biological foundations

Pushing children beyond their developmental capacity doesn’t accelerate development—it creates stress, anxiety, and often regression. 🧒

It Names the Pressure Parents Feel

Elkind acknowledges that parents hurry children not from cruelty but from fear:

“Parents are afraid. Afraid their children will fall behind. Afraid they won’t get into good schools. Afraid they’re not doing enough.”

This fear is manufactured by:

• Competition narratives (“getting ahead”)
• Comparison with other families
• Marketing of enrichment activities
• Media stories about successful prodigies
• Schools emphasizing earlier achievement

Understanding that hurrying comes from fear—not malice—opens space for different choices. You’re not a bad parent for worrying. You might be a better parent for resisting. 💕

The Stress Analysis Is Crucial

Elkind dedicates significant attention to how stress affects children:

Children experience stress differently:

• They can’t contextualize (“this is temporary”)
• They lack coping repertoires adults have developed
• They may not verbalize distress clearly
• Their bodies respond but they don’t understand why
• Chronic stress affects developing brain architecture

Signs of stress in hurried children:

• Headaches and stomachaches
• Sleep disturbances
• Regression to earlier behaviors
• Anxiety and perfectionism
• Loss of joy and spontaneity
• Burnout before adolescence

Parents often miss these signs or attribute them to other causes. Elkind helps parents recognize stress they may be inadvertently creating. 😰

It Validates Slower Approaches

In a culture screaming “more, faster, earlier,” Elkind provides permission to resist:

“There is no evidence that early academic training produces long-term advantages—and considerable evidence that it produces harm.”

Research consistently shows:

• Academic advantages from early pushing fade by third grade
• Children who play more in early years often outperform later
• Delayed formal academics (as in Finland) produces better outcomes
• Childhood stress predicts adult mental health problems

Parents choosing slower, play-based approaches can cite research, not just preference. You’re not disadvantaging your child by protecting childhood. 🌱

It Addresses Multiple Hurrying Forces

Elkind doesn’t just blame parents. He examines systemic pressures:

Schools:

• Pushing curriculum down to younger grades
• Eliminating recess and play
• Testing younger children more intensively
• Treating kindergarten as “the new first grade”

Media:

• Exposing children to adult themes
• Marketing adult products to children
• Creating aspirations beyond developmental appropriateness
• Normalizing precocity

Sports:

• Organized competition replacing free play
• Specialization starting in early childhood
• Year-round training for young children
• Adult intensity applied to child recreation

Fashion/Marketing:

• Sexualized clothing for young girls
• Adult styles for children
• Age compression in marketing
• “Tween” category pushing childhood younger

Understanding systemic forces helps parents see they’re swimming against powerful currents—and that resistance requires intentionality. 🏊

The Historical Perspective Is Grounding

Elkind traces how childhood has been conceptualized across history:

• Childhood as a distinct life stage is relatively modern
• Previous eras often treated children as small adults
• The “protected childhood” emerged with industrialization
• We may be regressing to pre-modern patterns

This perspective helps: we’ve recognized childhood as special before and can again. The hurrying isn’t inevitable progress—it’s a cultural choice that can be changed. 📚

The Not-So-Good Stuff 😬

Some Concerns Feel Dated

Parts of the book reflect 1981 anxieties that feel less urgent now:

• Worry about children seeing adult TV shows
• Concern about “latchkey children” specifically
• Fashion examples that seem quaint compared to current issues
• Pre-internet, pre-smartphone analysis

While the principles remain relevant, some specifics require mental updating. 📺

It Can Feel Like Another Guilt Source

Parents reading Elkind may think:

• “I’ve already hurried my child—have I ruined them?”
• “But everyone else is doing travel sports…”
• “How can I resist when schools require it?”
• “Am I supposed to just ignore the real competition?”

The book diagnoses a problem but acknowledging you’re part of it can feel paralyzing rather than empowering. 😰

The Alternatives Aren’t Always Clear

Elkind is better at describing the problem than prescribing solutions:

• What specifically should parents do differently?
• How do you resist school pressure concretely?
• What does unhurried childhood look like in 2024?
• How do you prepare children without hurrying them?

More practical guidance for implementation would strengthen the message. 🤷

It Assumes Significant Privilege

Protecting childhood as Elkind describes requires:

• Time for unstructured play (requires supervision or safe environments)
• Ability to resist school pressure (requires social capital)
• Financial security to not need children’s achievement for mobility
• Neighborhoods where children can play freely
• Schools that allow slower pacing

Families in poverty, dangerous neighborhoods, or marginalized communities may not have luxury of unhurried childhood—and may genuinely need children to achieve early for mobility. 💰

Some Hurrying Is Contextually Appropriate

Not all early achievement pressure is harmful:

• Some children genuinely thrive with challenge
• Some environments require earlier maturity for safety
• Some cultures value earlier responsibility appropriately
• Gifted children may need acceleration, not protection

Elkind’s framework can become overly protective for children who need more challenge, not less. One size doesn’t fit all developmental trajectories. ⚖️

The Research Has Evolved

Developmental science has advanced since 1981:

• More nuanced understanding of individual differences
• Better recognition of neurodiversity
• Updated stress research
• Refined understanding of school readiness

While Elkind’s core insights hold, some specifics reflect older research paradigms. 🔬

The World Has Actually Changed

Some might argue children DO need to grow up faster now:

• Global competition is more intense
• Technology requires earlier digital literacy
• The economy is less forgiving of late bloomers
• Skills requirements have genuinely increased

Is protecting childhood noble but naive in a changed world? The debate continues. 🌍

The Clever Comparison 🏆

If childhood philosophy books were parenting speeds:

The Hurried Child is the yellow caution light—warning that we’re going too fast and danger lies ahead. Slow down. ⚠️

Simplicity Parenting is the scenic route—not just slowing down but actively choosing a different path.

How to Raise an Adult is the course correction—for parents who’ve been speeding and want to change direction.

The Self-Driven Child is cruise control—finding sustainable speed the child controls rather than parents pushing.

Who Is This For? 🎯

Perfect if you:

• Feel pressure to hurry your child but sense something is wrong
• Want research-backed validation for slower approaches
• Need language to resist school and social pressure
• Are watching your child show signs of stress and overwhelm
• Want to understand the cultural forces pushing hurried childhood
• Seek historical and developmental perspective on childhood
• Are reconsidering your family’s pace and priorities

Not ideal if you:

• Need specific, practical strategies for daily parenting
• Have children who genuinely thrive with challenge and acceleration
• Face circumstances where early achievement is survival necessity
• Want contemporary analysis of current pressures (social media, etc.)
• Prefer brief, action-focused parenting books
• Are looking for guidance on specific issues rather than philosophy

Alternatives Worth Considering 🔄

Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne: Takes Elkind’s diagnosis and provides specific prescriptions—declutter, simplify schedules, protect childhood practically. More actionable. 🏆

How to Raise an Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims: Updated analysis of overparenting’s costs, written by former Stanford dean who saw damaged young adults arrive. Contemporary and practical.

The Self-Driven Child by William Stixrud & Ned Johnson: Focuses on giving children autonomy and reducing parental pressure. Complementary approach with practical strategies.

Free-Range Kids by Lenore Skenazy: Addresses the fear-based parenting that drives hurrying. More irreverent and contemporary.

Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff: Cross-cultural perspective showing how other societies raise capable children without hurrying. Fresh approach. 📚

The Power of Play by David Elkind: Elkind’s focused argument for play specifically—if The Hurried Child resonates, this goes deeper on one solution.

The Signs of a Hurried Child 🚩

Elkind helps parents recognize when hurrying has gone too far:

Physical signs:

• Frequent headaches or stomachaches
• Sleep problems (difficulty falling asleep, nightmares)
• Fatigue despite adequate rest
• Appetite changes
• Getting sick frequently

Emotional signs:

• Anxiety about performance
• Perfectionism and fear of mistakes
• Loss of joy in previously enjoyed activities
• Irritability and emotional volatility
• Withdrawal from family

Behavioral signs:

• Resistance to activities they used to love
• Regression to younger behaviors
• Difficulty relaxing or playing freely
• Constant need to be “doing something”
• Burnout before adolescence

If you’re seeing these signs, the pace may be the problem. 😰

The Permission Slip 📝

Perhaps Elkind’s greatest gift is permission:

Permission to:

• Say no to another activity
• Let your child be “behind” peers temporarily
• Choose play over enrichment
• Resist school pressure for earlier achievement
• Let childhood be childhood
• Trust development over acceleration
• Prioritize wellbeing over achievement

In a culture that relentlessly pushes more, faster, earlier—permission to resist is revolutionary.

You’re not failing your child by protecting childhood. You may be giving them exactly what they need. ✨

The Balancing Act ⚖️

Elkind doesn’t advocate for no challenge or preparation. The balance:

Hurrying (harmful):

• Demands beyond developmental capacity
• Adult pressures on child shoulders
• Competition replacing play
• Achievement as primary measure of worth
• No time for unstructured exploration

Appropriate challenge (healthy):

• Tasks matched to developmental readiness
• Support through age-appropriate struggles
• Play as primary mode of learning
• Character and wellbeing alongside achievement
• Time for childhood to unfold naturally

The goal isn’t raising children who can’t handle challenge. It’s raising children who face appropriate challenges at appropriate times—and have childhood along the way. 🎯

The Long-Term Perspective 🔮

Elkind emphasizes that hurrying doesn’t even achieve its goals:

What hurried children often become:

• Anxious adults who can’t relax
• Perfectionists who fear failure
• Burned out before reaching potential
• Lacking intrinsic motivation
• Unsure what they actually want (versus what they were pushed toward)

What unhurried children often become:

• Adults with genuine interests
• Resilient problem-solvers
• People who know themselves
• Intrinsically motivated learners
• Capable of joy and presence

The race to nowhere produces adults who arrive exhausted at destinations they didn’t choose. The scenic route produces adults who know where they want to go. 🌱

The Cultural Resistance Required 💪

Protecting childhood requires actively resisting cultural messages:

You’ll need to resist:

• Other parents’ anxiety (“Aren’t you worried they’ll fall behind?”)
• School pressure for earlier achievement
• Sports programs demanding year-round commitment
• Marketing targeting younger and younger children
• Your own fear of your child being “behind”

You’ll need to embrace:

• Being “that family” that does things differently
• Trusting development over acceleration
• Valuing childhood for its own sake
• Long-term thinking over short-term metrics
• Your child’s pace over cultural expectations

It’s not easy. The current runs strong. But the destination is worth swimming against. 🏊

The Final Verdict 🏅

The Hurried Child remains essential reading four decades after publication—perhaps more essential than when written. Everything Elkind warned about has intensified. The hurrying has accelerated. The childhood he sought to protect has compressed further.

The book’s specific examples may feel dated, but the core insight is timeless: children are not small adults, and treating them as such causes harm. Development has its own timeline. Pushing against that timeline doesn’t accelerate growth—it creates stress, anxiety, and often the opposite of what parents intend.

For parents feeling the relentless pressure to do more, start earlier, push harder—Elkind offers research-backed permission to resist. You’re not disadvantaging your child by protecting childhood. You may be giving them the foundation that frantic achievement-chasing can never provide.

Childhood is not a race. There is no finish line that justifies sacrificing the journey. The hurried child may arrive first but arrive exhausted, anxious, and unsure why they were running.

Let them walk. Let them wander. Let them be children.

They’ll get where they need to go. And they’ll remember the journey. ⏰✨

Do you feel pressure to hurry your child? How do you resist the cultural push for earlier achievement? Share your experiences protecting childhood in a hurried world!