A review from someone who read “your baby is not manipulating you” at 4am while holding a screaming newborn and sobbed with relief—then later wondered if the book was manipulating them instead
You’re a new parent. Everyone has opinions. Let them cry it out. Never let them cry. Put them on a schedule. Follow their cues. Breastfeed exclusively. Formula is fine. Co-sleep. Never co-sleep.
The advice is contradictory, the judgment is constant, and you’re so tired you can barely remember your own name.
Then someone hands you a thick book that promises to tell you everything you need to know. A book that says trust your instincts, respond to your baby, keep them close. A book that validates the exhausting, all-consuming, never-put-this-baby-down experience you’re living.
Dr. William Sears and Martha Sears’ The Baby Book has been that book for millions of parents since 1993. It essentially created the “attachment parenting” movement, giving a name and framework to an approach that prioritizes closeness, responsiveness, and following your baby’s lead.
For some parents, it’s a lifeline—permission to parent the way that feels right. For others, it’s a guilt machine that sets impossible standards and judges anyone who deviates.
Thirty years later, does this parenting bible still hold up? Let’s find out.
🎧 Want the Audiobook for FREE?
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- Click the link above to view The Baby Book on Amazon
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- Keep the audiobook forever—even if you cancel the trial before it renews!
Listen while nursing at 3am, cancel within 30 days, pay nothing, and keep the audiobook permanently. At 700+ pages, the audiobook might be the only way you’ll get through it with a newborn. 🎧📚
What Is This Book? 🤔
The Baby Book is a comprehensive guide to baby care from birth through age two, written by pediatrician William Sears and his wife Martha, a registered nurse. Together they raised eight children and built an empire around “attachment parenting.”
The Seven Baby B’s (Attachment Parenting Principles):
- Birth bonding — Immediate skin-to-skin, delayed cord clamping, keeping baby close after birth
- Breastfeeding — Extended, on-demand, as primary nutrition and comfort
- Babywearing — Keeping baby in a carrier close to your body throughout the day
- Bedding close to baby — Co-sleeping or room-sharing
- Belief in baby’s cries — Responding promptly, trusting that cries communicate real needs
- Beware of baby trainers — Skepticism of sleep training and scheduling approaches
- Balance — Finding what works for your family (often undersold in the book itself)
The coverage:
The book is massive—over 700 pages covering everything from feeding to sleep to development to illness to discipline. It’s designed to be the only baby book you need.
The philosophy:
Babies have needs, not wants. Responding to those needs builds security, not spoiling. Closeness now creates independence later. Trust your instincts over schedules and experts.
It’s parenting as relationship, not management. 📖
The Good Stuff ✅
It Validates Responsive, Intuitive Parenting
The book’s greatest gift:
The message:
Your instinct to pick up your crying baby is right. Your desire to hold them constantly is right. Your reluctance to let them “cry it out” is right. You’re not spoiling them. You’re not creating bad habits. You’re building a secure human.
The cultural context:
When this book was published, scheduled feeding and early independence were dominant approaches. “Don’t pick them up every time they cry or they’ll manipulate you” was standard advice. The Sears’ said: nonsense.
The permission:
To hold your baby as much as you want. To nurse for comfort, not just hunger. To keep them close at night. To respond immediately to cries. To follow your gut instead of a schedule.
The validation:
“You know your baby better than any expert.” This message, radical at the time, gave parents permission to trust themselves.
The relief:
For parents whose instincts screamed “this doesn’t feel right” about rigid approaches, this book was liberation.
Permission to follow your instincts is powerful. 🎯
It Takes Infant Needs Seriously
A fundamental respect for babies:
The philosophy:
Babies aren’t manipulating. They’re communicating. Every cry means something. When they want to be held, that’s a legitimate need, not a preference to be trained out of them.
The developmental understanding:
Babies need closeness for brain development, emotional security, and physical regulation. They can’t self-soothe—they need to be soothed, and through being soothed, they gradually learn to regulate.
The reframe:
“High-need baby” instead of “difficult baby.” The need is real; our capacity to meet it is the variable.
The message:
Your baby isn’t giving you a hard time. They’re having a hard time. They need you, and needing you is not a flaw.
The impact:
Parents who felt guilty for responding to their babies were told: your responsiveness is exactly right. That matters enormously.
Babies as legitimate humans with legitimate needs. ✨
The Comprehensiveness Is Genuinely Useful
A real reference book:
What it covers:
- Newborn care basics
- Feeding (breast and bottle)
- Sleep (all approaches discussed, though AP preferred)
- Crying and soothing
- Growth and development by month
- Common illnesses and when to worry
- Injury and safety
- Nutrition and solid foods
- Discipline for babies and toddlers
- Special situations (colic, reflux, allergies, prematurity)
The utility:
At 3am when you’re wondering if that rash is normal, you can look it up. When you’re not sure if they’re eating enough, there’s a chapter. When you need to know about ear infections, it’s there.
The one-stop-shop:
For parents who want one big book instead of many specialized ones, this delivers.
The reference value:
You won’t read cover to cover, but you’ll return to it repeatedly as questions arise.
Everything you might need to know in one place. 💪
The Breastfeeding Support Is Extensive
For parents who want to breastfeed:
What’s covered:
- Getting started
- Troubleshooting common problems
- Nursing positions
- Pumping and storing milk
- Nursing while working
- Extended breastfeeding
- Weaning
The depth:
More detailed breastfeeding information than most general baby books provide. Almost a breastfeeding book within the baby book.
The encouragement:
For parents struggling with breastfeeding, the book provides extensive support, problem-solving, and validation that it’s worth persisting through difficulties.
The philosophy:
Breastfeeding is presented as the clear ideal—extended, on-demand, for comfort as well as nutrition.
The support:
If breastfeeding is your goal, this book will help you achieve it.
Comprehensive breastfeeding resource. 🌟
The “High-Need Baby” Chapter Saves Sanity
For parents of difficult babies:
The recognition:
Some babies are simply more intense. More sensitive. More demanding. This isn’t your fault, and it isn’t their fault.
The validation:
“You got a Ferrari, not a Volkswagen. Ferraris require more maintenance, but they’re also more powerful.”
The characteristics:
- Intense
- Hyperactive
- Draining
- Feeds frequently
- Demanding
- Awakens frequently
- Unsatisfied
- Unpredictable
- Super-sensitive
- Can’t be put down
- Not a self-soother
- Separation-sensitive
The message:
If this describes your baby, you’re not failing. You got a particular kind of baby who needs more. That’s not a flaw—it’s a temperament that will serve them well eventually.
The relief:
Parents of high-need babies often feel isolated and judged. This chapter says: we see you. This is real. You’re not imagining it.
Naming and validating a real experience. 🛡️
It Emphasizes Father Involvement
Progressive for its time:
The inclusion:
William Sears writes sections directly addressing fathers. He models involved fatherhood through personal examples.
The philosophy:
Attachment parenting isn’t just for mothers. Fathers can wear babies, soothe babies, develop deep bonds.
The practical guidance:
Specific ways fathers can participate when not breastfeeding. How to share nighttime duties. Building father-baby attachment.
The message:
This is parenting, not mothering. Both parents matter.
The limitation:
Still somewhat traditional in places, but more father-inclusive than many books of its era.
Fathers welcomed, not sidelined. 📝
The Tone Is Warm and Supportive
Reading experience matters:
The voice:
Experienced parents sharing wisdom, not experts lecturing. The Sears’ personal stories make the advice feel relatable.
The encouragement:
“You’re doing great.” “Trust yourself.” “This is hard, and you’re handling it.”
The community:
Reading the book feels like being welcomed into a supportive tribe of like-minded parents.
The reassurance:
For anxious new parents, the warm tone provides comfort alongside information.
The accessibility:
Despite its length, the book is readable and engaging.
Supportive companion, not intimidating textbook. 🧘
The Not-So-Good Stuff 😬
The Guilt Machine Is Real
The shadow side of strong convictions:
The setup:
Attachment parenting is presented as clearly superior. The benefits are emphasized. The alternatives are viewed skeptically.
The implication:
If you’re not doing all the B’s, you’re not parenting optimally. If you can’t breastfeed, your baby will miss out. If you sleep train, you’re ignoring needs. If you use a stroller instead of a carrier, you’re creating distance.
The experience for many parents:
“I can’t live up to this. I’m failing my baby. I’m not attached enough.”
The irony:
A book meant to reduce parental anxiety can increase it dramatically for those who can’t or don’t want to follow the full prescription.
What’s missing:
More genuine validation of alternative approaches. Less implicit judgment of different choices.
The reality:
Many healthy, securely attached children were raised with bottles, cribs, strollers, and sleep training. The book doesn’t really acknowledge this.
Prescriptive approach creates guilt. 😬
The Co-Sleeping Advice Is Problematic
Safety concerns:
What the book advocates:
Family bed. Babies sleeping with parents. Presented as natural, beneficial, and safe with precautions.
What current guidelines say:
The AAP recommends room-sharing but not bed-sharing due to SIDS and suffocation risks. The safest sleep environment is a firm, flat surface without soft bedding, in the same room as parents.
The tension:
The Sears’ co-sleeping advocacy predates some of the research on sleep-related infant deaths. Their “safe co-sleeping” guidelines may not go far enough.
The risk:
Parents following this advice may inadvertently create unsafe sleep situations.
The update needed:
More explicit acknowledgment of current safe sleep research and guidelines.
The responsibility:
Parents should check current AAP guidelines rather than relying solely on this book for sleep safety.
Safety guidelines have evolved since publication. 🚩
The Breastfeeding Pressure Is Intense
Support can become pressure:
The message:
Breast is best. Significantly, meaningfully, importantly best. Extended breastfeeding is ideal. Everything should be tried before “giving up.”
The experience for struggling parents:
“I can’t produce enough milk. This book tells me to try harder. I’m failing my baby.”
The experience for parents who can’t:
Medical conditions, medications, adoption, same-sex male couples—many parents can’t breastfeed. The book’s emphasis can feel exclusionary.
The experience for those who choose not to:
Valid choice, but not really validated by this book.
What’s missing:
More genuine support for formula feeding without framing it as failure. Acknowledgment that fed is best.
The reality:
Modern formula is nutritionally complete. Babies thrive on it. The book’s hierarchy of feeding methods can cause unnecessary suffering.
Support becomes judgment for those who can’t or won’t. 🩺
The Mother-Centricity Is Exhausting
Despite father inclusion, the burden falls on mothers:
The reality of attachment parenting as described:
Extensive breastfeeding. Constant babywearing. Bed-sharing. Immediate response to all cries.
Who does this in practice:
Overwhelmingly, mothers.
The message received:
Good mothers sacrifice everything. Good mothers are always available. Good mothers don’t need breaks.
The cost:
Maternal mental health. Maternal identity. Maternal autonomy.
What’s missing:
More acknowledgment that maternal wellbeing matters. That sometimes a break is necessary. That meeting your own needs isn’t selfish.
The balance promised:
The seventh B is “balance,” but it often feels like an afterthought. The other six B’s don’t leave much room for it.
Attachment parenting often means mother-sacrifice parenting. 😬
The “Beware of Baby Trainers” Section Is One-Sided
Dismissing all sleep training:
The position:
Sleep training is presented skeptically at best, harmfully at worst. “Crying it out” is framed as ignoring legitimate needs.
The nuance missing:
There are many forms of sleep training, some quite gentle. Sleep deprivation has real consequences for parent and baby. Some families genuinely need sleep solutions.
The research:
Studies on various sleep training methods have not found harm to attachment or development when implemented appropriately.
The judgment:
Parents who sleep train may feel accused of damaging their babies.
What’s needed:
A more balanced presentation of sleep approaches, acknowledging that different families have different needs.
One approach presented as clearly superior. 📉
It’s Dated in Various Ways
The book was published in 1993, updated but still showing age:
What’s changed:
- Safe sleep guidelines have evolved
- Screen time is now a major concern (not addressed)
- Work-from-home changed parenting landscape
- Non-traditional families more visible
- Formula has improved significantly
- Research on various topics has advanced
What’s missing:
Modern challenges like social media, screen time for babies, pandemic-era parenting, diverse family structures.
The gender assumptions:
Despite updates, the book still reflects traditional gender roles in places.
The cultural assumptions:
Western, middle-class, two-parent household primarily assumed.
The recommendation:
Cross-reference with current guidelines, especially regarding sleep safety and feeding.
Updates needed for modern parenting. 😬
The Length Is Overwhelming
700+ pages is a lot:
The problem:
New parents don’t have time to read 700 pages. The comprehensiveness becomes a barrier.
The organization:
Information is sometimes hard to find quickly when you need it at 3am.
The repetition:
Core philosophy repeated throughout, padding the length.
The alternative:
Many parents would benefit from a condensed version with the same core content.
The reality:
Most parents won’t read the whole thing—and that’s fine.
Comprehensive to a fault. 📉
Neurodivergent Needs Not Addressed
The familiar gap:
What’s not covered:
- Babies with sensory processing differences
- Babies who will later be identified as autistic
- When constant closeness overwhelms rather than soothes
- When typical attachment approaches don’t work
The assumption:
All babies respond to attachment approaches similarly.
The reality:
Some babies genuinely need different approaches. Some parents are neurodivergent and struggle with the sensory demands of attachment parenting.
What’s needed:
Acknowledgment that attachment can look different for different babies and parents.
Typical development assumed throughout. 🧠
The Science Is Sometimes Selective
Research presented with bias:
The pattern:
Studies supporting attachment parenting are cited. Studies questioning it are minimized or ignored.
The claims:
Some benefits attributed to specific practices (extended breastfeeding, co-sleeping) may be correlational rather than causal—and confounded by other factors.
The confidence:
The book presents attachment parenting benefits with more certainty than the research supports.
The balance needed:
More honest acknowledgment of what we know and don’t know.
The reminder:
Many healthy, happy, securely attached children were raised with different approaches.
Advocacy presented as settled science. 😬
Who Is This For? 🎯
Perfect if you:
- Feel drawn to responsive, intuitive parenting
- Want permission to hold, nurse, and respond constantly
- Need comprehensive baby care reference in one book
- Are committed to breastfeeding and want extensive support
- Have a “high-need” baby and need validation
- Want a warm, supportive parenting philosophy
- Can take what works and leave what doesn’t
Not ideal if you:
- Struggle with guilt and perfectionism
- Can’t or don’t want to breastfeed
- Need sleep training guidance without judgment
- Want balanced presentation of different approaches
- Are looking for evidence-based guidance on safe sleep
- Have a baby who doesn’t respond to typical attachment approaches
- Prefer concise, focused resources over comprehensive tomes
Alternatives Worth Considering 🔄
The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson: Brain science approach to responsive parenting. Same emphasis on connection, less prescriptive about specific practices. More modern research foundation. 🏆
Cribsheet by Emily Oster: Data-driven approach to baby decisions. Presents evidence on all sides, helps you make informed choices. Great counterbalance to opinion-based books.
Precious Little Sleep by Alexis Dubief: If sleep is your main concern, this provides balanced guidance without the judgment the Sears’ bring to sleep training.
The Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp: Focused on soothing newborns. Specific techniques without the broader lifestyle prescription.
Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff: Cross-cultural perspective that challenges Western assumptions including some attachment parenting premises. Valuable counterpoint.
What to Expect the First Year by Heidi Murkoff: More neutral, comprehensive reference without strong philosophical agenda. Good if you want information without ideology. 📚
The Final Verdict 🏅
The Baby Book was revolutionary when published and remains influential today. Its core message—that babies have legitimate needs, that responsiveness builds security, that parental instincts deserve trust—changed how millions of parents approach the first years. For those who resonate with attachment parenting, this book provides comprehensive support and validation.
The warmth, the comprehensiveness, the respect for babies as full humans with real needs—these remain valuable.
However, the book’s strong convictions can become guilt-inducing prescriptions. The breastfeeding pressure, the co-sleeping advocacy (now complicated by updated safety guidelines), and the dismissal of sleep training create problems for parents who can’t or don’t want to follow the full program. The mother-centricity is exhausting. And the science is presented more confidently than the evidence warrants.
The useful parts:
- Permission to respond: validation of intuitive parenting
- Baby needs matter: respect for infant experience
- Comprehensive reference: everything in one place
- Breastfeeding support: extensive for those who want it
- High-need baby chapter: naming and validating a real experience
- Warm, supportive tone: encouraging rather than lecturing
- Father inclusion: progressive for its era
The problematic parts:
- Guilt creation: prescription becomes judgment
- Co-sleeping safety: doesn’t reflect current guidelines
- Breastfeeding pressure: support becomes burden
- Mother-centricity: attachment parenting as maternal sacrifice
- Sleep training dismissal: one-sided presentation
- Dated content: needs updating for modern families
- Selective science: advocacy over balance
- Neurodivergent gaps: typical development assumed
The best approach: Read this book for the permission it gives—permission to respond, to hold, to trust your instincts. Take the philosophy of responsiveness and respect for infant needs. Then evaluate each specific practice (co-sleeping, extended breastfeeding, babywearing) separately based on your circumstances, your baby, and current safety guidelines.
The bottom line: The Baby Book offers a beautiful vision of parenting as relationship—of babies as deserving closeness and responsiveness, of parents as capable of knowing what their children need. That vision matters. It has helped countless parents feel less alone and more confident.
But vision can become ideology. Permission can become prescription. And when a book tells you there’s one right way to parent, it stops helping the parents who can’t or don’t want to follow that way.
Take what serves you. Leave what doesn’t. Your baby needs you—not a perfect implementation of any book’s philosophy, but you. Present, responsive, imperfect, trying.
That’s attachment. That’s enough. That’s everything. 👶✨
Did attachment parenting resonate with your experience? Did this book help or create guilt for you? What worked and what didn’t? Share your thoughts below!
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