A review from someone who realized that becoming a better parent might actually require becoming a different person—and found that terrifying and liberating in equal measure
You’ve read the parenting scripts. You’ve memorized the techniques. You know exactly what you’re supposed to say when your child melts down.
And then you open your mouth, and your mother comes out.
That critical tone. That dismissive phrase. That thing you swore you’d never say. It escapes before you can stop it, and you watch your child’s face fall, and you think: Where did that come from? I know better. Why can’t I DO better?
Here’s the uncomfortable truth most parenting books won’t tell you: techniques aren’t enough. Scripts aren’t enough. Knowing what to say isn’t enough—not when your automatic responses are wired so deep they bypass your conscious brain entirely.
Before Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish wrote their famous How to Talk So Kids Will Listen, they wrote this book: Liberated Parents, Liberated Children. It’s not a techniques book. It’s the story of their transformation—how they went from frustrated, yelling, guilt-ridden mothers to parents who actually liked who they were becoming.
It’s messier than their later work. More personal. More uncomfortable. And for some readers, far more powerful.
🎧 Want the Audiobook for FREE?
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- Click the link above to view Liberated Parents, Liberated Children on Amazon
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- Receive the full audiobook as part of your trial
- Keep the audiobook forever—even if you cancel the trial before it renews!
Listen during your commute, cancel within 30 days, pay nothing, and keep the audiobook permanently. This one’s especially powerful in audio—hearing Faber narrate her own transformation feels intimate and real. 🎧📚
What Is This Book? 🤔
Liberated Parents, Liberated Children is the memoir that preceded the manual. Where How to Talk So Kids Will Listen gives you techniques, this book shows you two mothers learning those techniques in real-time—stumbling, failing, trying again, and slowly transforming.
The setting: Dr. Haim Ginott’s parenting groups in the 1960s and 70s. Ginott was a child psychologist whose ideas about respectful communication with children were revolutionary for the time. Faber and Mazlish were young mothers who showed up desperate and left changed.
The book covers:
- Their experiences in Ginott’s groups
- The principles they learned and struggled to apply
- Real scenes from their homes—successes and failures
- The deeper personal work required to change
- How their children responded over time
- The philosophy behind the techniques
- Their own evolution as people, not just parents
It’s less a how-to and more a why-to, wrapped in honest storytelling about what it actually takes to become a different kind of parent. 📖
The Good Stuff ✅
It Shows the Messy Reality of Change
This isn’t a book of polished techniques. It’s a book of real mothers screwing up:
The honesty:
Faber and Mazlish share their failures openly. The times they yelled despite knowing better. The moments they reverted to their own parents’ tactics. The guilt, the frustration, the two-steps-forward-one-step-back nature of actual growth.
Example moments:
- Learning a new approach in group, then completely forgetting it during a tantrum
- Saying exactly the wrong thing and watching it blow up
- Feeling resentful that this is so hard
- Catching themselves sounding like their mothers
Why this matters:
Polished parenting books can make you feel like a failure when you can’t implement their perfect scripts. This book normalizes the struggle. Change is hard. Failure is part of the process. You’re not uniquely bad at this.
The relief:
If these women—who literally wrote the book on this stuff—struggled this much, maybe you’re not hopeless after all.
Real change is messy. This book honors that. 🎯
The Haim Ginott Wisdom Comes Through Directly
Before it was filtered into techniques, here’s Ginott’s philosophy:
On children’s feelings:
“Children’s emotions are real. They may seem exaggerated to us, but they are genuine to the child. We don’t have to agree with them; we have to acknowledge them.”
On labeling:
“A child who is told he is lazy will behave lazily. A child who is told he is capable will seek to demonstrate capability. We create what we name.”
On punishment:
“Punishment doesn’t teach what we want to teach. It teaches children to be sneaky, to avoid getting caught, to resent authority. It doesn’t teach values.”
On autonomy:
“Every time we do something for a child that they could do themselves, we steal an opportunity for them to feel capable.”
On our own emotions:
“We are entitled to our anger. We are not entitled to be cruel. There is a way to express anger that doesn’t damage the child’s sense of self.”
The richness:
In the later techniques books, these ideas become scripts. Here, you understand the philosophy behind them—which helps you apply them flexibly rather than rigidly.
Wisdom, not just tactics. ✨
It Addresses the Parent’s Inner Work
The book’s most distinctive contribution:
The insight:
You can’t parent differently than you were parented without doing your own work. The scripts are meaningless if your automatic responses are still your mother’s words coming out of your mouth.
What this looks like:
Recognizing patterns:
“I heard myself saying exactly what my mother said to me. The same words, the same tone. I hated it when she said it. And here I was, saying it.”
Understanding origins:
“I dismissed my son’s feelings because mine were dismissed. I didn’t know any other way.”
The deeper work:
“I had to grieve my own childhood to stop repeating it with my children.”
The liberation:
This isn’t about blaming your parents. It’s about understanding that you’re working against deep programming. When you recognize the pattern, you can interrupt it.
The challenge:
This is harder than memorizing scripts. It requires looking at yourself honestly—which is painful.
But it’s the only way change sticks. 💪
It Emphasizes the “How” More Than the “What”
Ginott’s revolutionary insight:
The principle:
It’s not what you say—it’s how you say it. The same words delivered differently have completely different effects.
Example:
“Come here” can be an invitation, a command, or a threat—depending entirely on tone, body language, and context.
The implication:
You can say all the “right” words and still damage your child if those words come with contempt, dismissal, or manipulation.
The flip side:
You can mess up the “script” and still connect if your underlying respect and warmth come through.
The application:
Stop focusing so much on perfect words. Focus on whether your child feels respected, heard, and loved—whatever words you use.
The music matters more than the lyrics. 🌟
It Shows Children Responding Over Time
Unlike books that promise instant results:
The reality:
Change happens slowly. Children who’ve learned not to trust your responses need time to adjust. New patterns take months to establish.
What Faber and Mazlish describe:
- Initial skepticism from their children
- Testing to see if this new approach would last
- Gradual opening up as trust built
- Setbacks and regressions
- Long-term transformation of relationships
The patience required:
You don’t implement a technique once and achieve enlightenment. You practice, fail, try again, and slowly—over months and years—create a different family culture.
The encouragement:
The change is real. It just takes time. Their relationships with their children genuinely transformed. So can yours.
Long game, not quick fix. 🛡️
The Stories Are Genuinely Moving
This book has emotional weight:
The scenes:
Real moments between parents and children. Vulnerable confessions. Breakthrough conversations. Failed attempts that hurt. Successes that feel miraculous.
Example:
A mother who finally stops criticizing and starts acknowledging, and watches her withdrawn child slowly begin to share again.
Another:
A mother who catches herself about to deliver the same humiliating comment she received as a child—and finds different words instead. The shift is tiny but seismic.
Why this matters:
You’re not just learning techniques. You’re witnessing transformation. It becomes emotionally real in a way that instruction manuals can’t achieve.
The connection:
You see yourself in these women. Their struggles become yours. Their victories feel possible.
Stories teach what instructions can’t. 📝
It Honors Children as Full People
The underlying philosophy:
The belief:
Children are complete human beings deserving of the same respect we’d offer adults. Their feelings matter. Their perspectives are valid. They deserve dignity in how we speak to them.
The contrast:
Much traditional parenting treats children as lesser beings—to be controlled, managed, shaped, corrected. Respect is earned when they behave; it’s not their birthright.
Ginott’s revolution:
What if we started from respect? What if we assumed children deserve courtesy, acknowledgment, and dignity—even when they’re misbehaving?
The practice:
Speaking to children as you’d speak to a friend. Acknowledging their feelings as you’d want yours acknowledged. Setting limits without insults.
The result:
Children who feel respected learn respect. Children who feel heard learn to listen. The relationship you model is the relationship you create.
Respect isn’t earned by children—it’s owed to them. 🧠
The Not-So-Good Stuff 😬
It’s Dated in Obvious Ways
The book was written in the early 1970s:
The evidence:
- Traditional gender roles assumed throughout
- “Mothers” do all the parenting (fathers are largely absent)
- Examples involve a different era’s challenges
- Cultural references are fifty years old
- Language and terms have shifted
The impact:
Modern readers may find the gender dynamics uncomfortable. The assumption that mothers alone are responsible for parenting—and the guilt that accompanies that—feels anachronistic.
What’s missing:
Fathers, non-traditional families, working parents (as norm rather than exception), cultural diversity, modern challenges.
The adaptation:
The core wisdom translates across time. You’ll need to mentally update the packaging.
Timeless principles, dated presentation. 😬
It’s Less Practical Than the Later Book
If you want techniques, this isn’t the place:
What this book is:
Memoir, philosophy, personal transformation story.
What this book isn’t:
A structured how-to guide with clear steps.
The challenge:
Readers who want practical tools may feel frustrated by the narrative format. “Just tell me what to do!” doesn’t get a clear answer.
The solution:
Read this for the deeper understanding, then read How to Talk So Kids Will Listen for the practical application.
The value:
The understanding you gain here makes the techniques in the later book more effective. You know why they work, not just what to do.
Different purpose, different book. 🚩
The Writing Style May Not Work for Everyone
A matter of preference:
The style:
Narrative, personal, emotional. Long descriptions of scenes. Internal reflections. Story-based teaching.
Who loves this:
Readers who learn through story. Those who want to feel, not just know. Parents who need to see themselves in others’ struggles.
Who struggles with this:
Readers who want bullet points and clear steps. Those impatient with narrative. Parents who need immediate practical help.
The reality:
This isn’t a flaw—it’s a different genre. But if you’re expecting a manual, you’ll be frustrated.
Know what you’re getting into. 📉
The Inner Work Is Hinted at, Not Guided
The book identifies the need for personal transformation but doesn’t fully guide it:
What you learn:
You need to examine your own childhood, understand your automatic reactions, and do deeper work to change.
What’s not provided:
Structured guidance for doing that work. Exercises. Frameworks. The “how” of personal transformation.
The gap:
You finish the book knowing you need to look at yourself differently but without clear tools for doing so.
The supplement needed:
Books like Parenting from the Inside Out provide the structured self-reflection this book gestures toward.
Identifies the work without fully supporting it. 🩺
Some May Find It Overly Emotional
A subjective reaction:
The content:
Personal revelations, emotional struggles, vulnerable admissions, transformative moments.
The concern:
Some readers find this emotionally heavy, especially when processing their own difficult childhoods simultaneously.
The overwhelm:
If you’re already struggling with guilt and shame about your parenting, the emotional depth of this book may intensify rather than relieve those feelings.
The caution:
If you’re in a particularly vulnerable place, you might want to start with the more practical How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and come back to this when you have more bandwidth.
Emotionally demanding read. 😬
Neurodivergent Considerations Are Absent
The familiar blind spot:
What’s missing:
Any acknowledgment that some children process differently, respond differently, or need different approaches.
The assumptions:
Neurotypical children and neurotypical parental responses throughout.
The gap:
Parents of neurodivergent children may find that the techniques described don’t translate directly to their experience.
The adaptation required:
Significant modification for families with ADHD, autism, sensory processing differences, or other neurological variations.
Not addressed in 1970s parenting. Still not addressed in reissues. 🧠
The Group Context Doesn’t Translate
The book describes learning in community:
What Faber and Mazlish had:
Weekly groups led by Haim Ginott himself. Other parents to practice with. Accountability. Support. Expert guidance.
What you have:
A book. Alone. At 2am. With no one to process with.
The limitation:
Some of what made their transformation possible—the community, the ongoing support, the expert facilitation—can’t be replicated by reading.
The workaround:
Find a parenting group. Read with a friend. Join an online community. Create what support you can.
But the magic of Ginott’s groups is hard to capture alone.
Context matters for transformation. 📉
How This Compares to “How to Talk So Kids Will Listen” 📊
Liberated Parents, Liberated Children:
- Memoir and philosophy
- Story-based learning
- Emphasizes personal transformation
- Shows the messy process of change
- Deeper “why” exploration
- Less immediately practical
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen:
- Practical manual
- Techniques and scripts
- Emphasizes tools and skills
- Clean, structured presentation
- Clear “how” guidance
- Immediately applicable
The ideal approach:
Read Liberated Parents, Liberated Children for the deeper understanding and personal transformation work. Read How to Talk So Kids Will Listen for the practical techniques. Together, they’re more powerful than either alone.
Philosophy plus practice. 🎯
Who Is This For? 🎯
Perfect if you:
- Have read technique books but can’t implement them
- Know something deeper needs to change in your parenting
- Learn best through story and personal narrative
- Are ready to examine your own childhood’s influence
- Want to understand the “why” behind the techniques
- Need to see that transformation is possible—and messy
- Have bandwidth for emotionally demanding reading
- Value philosophy alongside practice
Not ideal if you:
- Need immediate practical tools for today’s crisis
- Prefer structured how-to guides
- Find emotional narrative overwhelming right now
- Want modern examples and diverse representation
- Are looking for neurodivergent-specific guidance
- Don’t have patience for story-based teaching
- Haven’t yet read the more practical companion book
Alternatives Worth Considering 🔄
How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish: The practical companion. Read this for techniques after reading Liberated Parents for philosophy. Essential pairing. 🏆
Between Parent and Child by Haim Ginott: The original source material. Ginott’s own writing about his philosophy. More directly from the master.
Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel Siegel: Brain science approach to the inner work Liberated Parents describes. More structured self-reflection guidance.
The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson: Modern neuroscience foundation for similar principles. Research-based complement.
No-Drama Discipline by Daniel Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson: Connect-and-redirect approach with brain science backing. Modern, practical, philosophically aligned. 📚
The Final Verdict 🏅
Liberated Parents, Liberated Children is the book behind the book. It shows what How to Talk So Kids Will Listen can’t—the messy, human, difficult process of actually changing how you parent. It’s not a techniques manual; it’s a transformation memoir.
For parents who’ve read all the scripts but can’t seem to use them, who know what they should say but hear their own parents coming out of their mouths, this book offers something deeper: the understanding that real change requires real inner work, and that work is possible.
However, the book is dated, less practical than its successor, and emotionally demanding. Readers wanting immediate techniques will be frustrated. Those needing structured guidance for the inner work will find it incomplete.
The useful parts:
- Honest portrayal of messy change: normalizes struggle
- Ginott’s philosophy directly: wisdom behind techniques
- Parent’s inner work emphasis: identifies what really needs to change
- Transformation over time: patience and persistence modeled
- Moving personal stories: emotional connection to the process
- Children as full humans: foundational respect principle
The problematic parts:
- Dated examples and gender roles
- Less practical than later book
- Inner work identified but not fully guided
- Emotionally demanding
- Neurodivergent considerations absent
- Group context doesn’t translate to solo reading
The best approach: Read this book for the deeper understanding of what needs to change and why. Then read How to Talk So Kids Will Listen for the practical how. Consider adding Parenting from the Inside Out for structured self-reflection support.
The bottom line: Liberated Parents, Liberated Children answers the question that technique books can’t: Why is this so hard? And what really needs to change for the techniques to work?
The answer isn’t more scripts. It’s different you.
That’s terrifying. It’s also liberating. The title isn’t accidental—when you free yourself from your automatic patterns, your childhood programming, your reactive responses, you’re liberated. And that liberation creates space for your children to be liberated too.
Not to be whoever you need them to be. But to be whoever they actually are.
That’s the real revolution Ginott taught. That’s what Faber and Mazlish learned. And that’s what this book offers you—not techniques for controlling children, but freedom for everyone in the family.
Including you. 🦋✨
Has reading about others’ parenting transformations helped your own journey? What clicked when you understood the “why” behind the techniques? What inner work has made the biggest difference? Share your thoughts below!
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