A review from someone who thought success was about intelligence—and discovered it’s actually about seven skills nobody taught us
You want your child to succeed.
So you focus on what you think matters: reading early, math skills, getting into the right schools, building impressive resumes. You hire tutors. You enroll them in enrichment programs. You worry about test scores and college admissions and competitive advantages.
And yet.
The smartest kids you knew growing up aren’t necessarily the most successful adults. Some of the highest achievers you know struggle with relationships, decision-making, and basic life satisfaction. Meanwhile, people who weren’t academic stars have built meaningful lives, navigated challenges, and found genuine fulfillment.
What explains the difference?
Here’s what the research reveals: the skills that matter most for success aren’t the ones we’re focusing on.
Not reading level. Not math scores. Not how many facts children can memorize. The skills that predict success—in school, in work, in relationships, in life—are a different set entirely. Skills like focus and self-control. Perspective taking. Critical thinking. Making connections. Communicating effectively.
These are learnable skills. They can be nurtured. And most of us aren’t intentionally developing them in our children—because nobody told us they mattered.
Ellen Galinsky’s Mind in the Making: The Seven Essential Life Skills Every Child Needs synthesizes decades of research from the world’s leading developmental scientists to identify the skills that actually matter—and shows parents how to nurture them.
It’s the book that redefines what children really need to thrive. But does the research translate to practical parenting? Let’s find out.
🎧 Want the Audiobook for FREE?
Before we dive in, here’s how to get this audiobook at no cost:
- Click the link above to view Mind in the Making on Amazon
- Look for the “+ Audiobook” option when selecting your format
- Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial
- Receive the full audiobook as part of your trial
- Keep the audiobook forever—even if you cancel the trial before it renews!
Listen while reconsidering what success really means. Cancel within 30 days, pay nothing, and keep the audiobook permanently. Galinsky’s research-rich approach rewards careful listening. 🎧📚
What Is This Book? 🤔
Mind in the Making presents the findings of Ellen Galinsky’s extensive investigation into child development research. As president of the Families and Work Institute and a researcher herself, Galinsky interviewed more than 100 leading scientists to identify the skills that matter most for children’s success—and how parents can nurture them.
The format:
- Research synthesis from leading developmental scientists
- Identification of seven essential life skills
- Practical strategies for nurturing each skill
- Real-world examples and applications
- Age-appropriate guidance (birth through adolescence)
- “Suggestions for Building” sections with specific activities
The core thesis:
We’ve been focused on the wrong things. Academic content—letters, numbers, facts—matters less than the underlying skills that enable learning and success. These “executive function” skills and related capacities are what truly predict how children will fare in school, work, and life.
The seven essential skills are:
- Focus and Self-Control
- Perspective Taking
- Communicating
- Making Connections
- Critical Thinking
- Taking on Challenges
- Self-Directed, Engaged Learning
The coverage:
- What the research actually shows about child development
- Why traditional measures of success miss what matters
- Deep exploration of each of the seven skills
- How each skill develops across childhood
- Practical strategies for parents at every age
- The connection between skills and real-world outcomes
- Common misconceptions and course corrections
The key principles:
- Skills matter more than content knowledge
- Executive function predicts success better than IQ
- These skills can be intentionally nurtured
- Learning happens through relationships and experience
- Play is essential, not optional
- Parents are children’s most important teachers
It’s the research-based guide to what actually matters. 📖
The Good Stuff ✅
The Research Foundation Is Exceptional
Not opinion—evidence:
The depth:
Galinsky didn’t just review the literature. She interviewed more than 100 of the world’s leading developmental scientists, neuroscientists, and psychologists. The book represents a genuine synthesis of cutting-edge research.
The names:
The research includes work from scientists like:
- Adele Diamond (executive function)
- Philip Zelazo (cognitive development)
- Michael Tomasello (communication and social cognition)
- Kathy Hirsh-Pasek (language and play)
- Alison Gopnik (learning and development)
- Carol Dweck (mindset)
- Angela Duckworth (self-control and grit)
The rigor:
Claims are backed by specific studies. Galinsky explains not just what scientists found, but how they found it—the methodology that makes findings trustworthy.
The nuance:
The book acknowledges complexity. When research is mixed or uncertain, Galinsky says so. This isn’t oversimplified pop science.
The credibility:
For parents who want to base their approach on evidence rather than opinion, this book delivers.
Exceptional research foundation. 🎯
Focus and Self-Control as Foundational
Executive function is everything:
The skill:
Focus and self-control—the ability to pay attention, remember and use information, and manage impulses—is foundational to all other learning and success.
The research:
Studies consistently show that self-control in childhood predicts outcomes decades later—including academic achievement, health, financial stability, and relationship quality.
The famous study:
Galinsky discusses Walter Mischel’s “marshmallow test” research, but goes far beyond it—explaining what self-control actually is, how it develops, and what predicts it.
The key insight:
Self-control isn’t a fixed trait. It’s a set of skills that develop through childhood and can be strengthened through practice and supportive environments.
The components:
- Focus: directing and sustaining attention
- Cognitive flexibility: shifting attention when needed
- Working memory: holding information in mind while using it
- Inhibitory control: resisting impulses and distractions
The nurturing:
Galinsky provides specific strategies for building these skills at every age:
- Games that require attention and rule-following
- Activities that involve waiting and turn-taking
- Pretend play that requires holding roles in mind
- Gradual increase in challenge as skills develop
The protection:
Chronic stress undermines executive function development. Supportive relationships and stable environments protect it.
Focus and self-control as essential foundation. ✨
Perspective Taking Goes Beyond Empathy
Understanding other minds:
The skill:
Perspective taking is the ability to understand what others think, feel, know, and want—to see the world from viewpoints other than your own.
The distinction:
This is more than empathy (feeling what others feel). It includes:
- Understanding that others have different knowledge than you
- Recognizing that others have different desires and preferences
- Predicting what others might do based on their perspective
- Adjusting your communication based on what others know
The importance:
Perspective taking is essential for:
- Effective communication
- Conflict resolution
- Collaboration
- Leadership
- Learning itself (understanding what teachers are trying to convey)
The development:
Galinsky traces how perspective taking develops from infancy through adolescence—and how parents can support each stage.
The research:
Studies show that children develop “theory of mind” (understanding that others have minds with different contents than their own) through specific experiences—particularly conversation, pretend play, and exposure to diverse perspectives.
The nurturing:
- Talk about thoughts and feelings (yours and others’)
- Discuss characters’ perspectives in books and movies
- Play games that involve considering what others know
- Encourage pretend play with different roles
- Expose children to diverse people and viewpoints
Perspective taking thoroughly explored. 💪
Communicating Is More Than Words
The full picture of human connection:
The skill:
Communicating involves not just speaking and listening, but understanding how communication works—reading non-verbal cues, adapting to different audiences, using language to think and solve problems.
The research:
Galinsky explores what scientists have learned about language development, including:
- How children learn language (more complex than we thought)
- The role of back-and-forth interaction (“serve and return”)
- Why quality of language input matters more than quantity
- How language connects to thinking itself
The key insights:
Parentese helps:
The naturally higher-pitched, slower, more melodic speech adults use with babies actually supports language development.
Conversation matters more than vocabulary drills:
Back-and-forth exchanges build language better than flashcards or passive exposure.
Gesture is communication:
Children’s gestures predict and support language development.
Language is for thinking:
Language isn’t just for communicating with others—it becomes a tool for thinking, planning, and self-regulation.
The nurturing:
- Engage in genuine conversation, not just instruction
- Follow children’s interests in conversation
- Use rich vocabulary in natural contexts
- Read together and discuss
- Encourage storytelling and narrative
Communication deeply explored. 🌟
Making Connections Is How Learning Works
The power of seeing patterns:
The skill:
Making connections is the ability to see patterns, relate new information to what you already know, and understand how things are similar and different across contexts.
The insight:
Learning isn’t about absorbing isolated facts. It’s about building mental structures that connect information meaningfully.
The research:
Scientists have discovered that even infants are pattern-seekers—constantly looking for regularities in their environment and using them to predict and understand.
The importance:
Making connections enables:
- Transfer of learning (applying knowledge in new situations)
- Deeper understanding (not just memorization)
- Creative thinking (combining ideas in new ways)
- Problem-solving (recognizing when previous solutions apply)
The danger of isolated learning:
When children learn facts in isolation—without connections to what they know and care about—the learning is fragile and doesn’t transfer.
The nurturing:
- Help children see connections between new and familiar
- Ask questions that prompt connection-making
- Encourage children to categorize and sort
- Support creative play that combines ideas
- Point out patterns in everyday life
Making connections as learning foundation. 🛡️
Critical Thinking Is Searchable
In an information-rich world:
The skill:
Critical thinking is the ability to evaluate information—to determine what’s reliable, what’s relevant, and what conclusions are warranted.
The contemporary relevance:
In a world of information overload, misinformation, and competing claims, critical thinking has never been more important.
The research:
Galinsky explores what scientists have learned about how children develop the ability to evaluate sources, recognize bias, and think logically.
The key insights:
Children aren’t natural skeptics:
Young children tend to trust what they’re told. Critical evaluation develops over time with support.
Source matters:
Children can learn to consider WHO is telling them something and whether that source is reliable.
Evidence matters:
Children can learn to ask what evidence supports a claim.
Questions matter:
The ability to ask good questions is central to critical thinking.
The nurturing:
- Encourage questions (and model asking them)
- Discuss how we know things
- Talk about sources and reliability
- Model uncertainty and changing your mind based on evidence
- Encourage healthy skepticism without cynicism
Critical thinking for modern world. 📝
Taking on Challenges Builds Capability
The growth mindset connection:
The skill:
Taking on challenges involves embracing difficulty as opportunity, persisting through setbacks, and believing that effort leads to growth.
The research:
Galinsky draws heavily on Carol Dweck’s work on mindset, as well as research on grit, persistence, and motivation.
The fixed vs. growth mindset:
- Fixed mindset: believing abilities are unchangeable, avoiding challenges that might reveal limitations
- Growth mindset: believing abilities develop through effort, seeking challenges as opportunities to grow
The critical importance of HOW we praise:
Research shows that praising children for being “smart” can actually undermine their willingness to take on challenges. Praising effort and strategy promotes resilience.
The stress paradox:
Some stress is necessary for growth. Children who never face challenges don’t develop coping skills. But overwhelming stress undermines development.
The sweet spot:
Challenge within the “zone of proximal development”—hard enough to stretch, not so hard as to overwhelm.
The nurturing:
- Praise effort and strategy, not innate ability
- Reframe failures as learning opportunities
- Model taking on challenges yourself
- Provide support without rescuing
- Celebrate growth and progress, not just outcomes
Taking on challenges thoroughly explored. 🧠
Self-Directed, Engaged Learning
The skill behind all skills:
The skill:
Self-directed, engaged learning is the ability to pursue learning actively—to set goals, maintain motivation, and take responsibility for your own growth.
The importance:
In a rapidly changing world, the ability to learn continuously throughout life is essential. Self-directed learners don’t need to be pushed—they’re pulled by curiosity and purpose.
The research:
Galinsky explores what scientists have learned about intrinsic motivation, curiosity, and the conditions that support engaged learning.
The key insights:
Intrinsic motivation is powerful:
Learning driven by genuine interest is deeper and more lasting than learning driven by external rewards.
Autonomy matters:
Children who have some control over their learning are more engaged than those who are entirely directed by others.
Goals help:
Learning to set and pursue goals is a skill that supports all other learning.
Reflection deepens learning:
Thinking about your own thinking (metacognition) enhances learning and retention.
The nurturing:
- Follow children’s interests
- Provide choices within structure
- Teach goal-setting and planning
- Encourage reflection on learning
- Model your own curiosity and learning
Self-directed learning as lifelong skill. 💬
The Not-So-Good Stuff 😬
Dense and Research-Heavy
Not a quick read:
The style:
Galinsky writes thoroughly. Every skill is explored through multiple research studies, scientific explanations, and detailed analysis.
The effect:
For readers who want depth and evidence, this is a strength. For readers who want quick, practical guidance, it can feel overwhelming.
The length:
The book is substantial. Busy parents may struggle to get through it.
The detail:
Some readers may feel they’re getting more scientific detail than they need.
The solution:
Read selectively. Focus on the skills most relevant to your situation. Use the “Suggestions for Building” sections for practical takeaways.
Dense, research-heavy writing. 😬
Practical Strategies Sometimes Feel Insufficient
More research than recipes:
The ratio:
The book is stronger on explaining WHAT the skills are and WHY they matter than on HOW to build them day-to-day.
The gap:
After extensive discussion of research, the practical suggestions can feel brief.
The desire:
Many parents will want more specific activities, scripts, and step-by-step guidance.
The expectation:
If you’re looking for a practical activity book, this isn’t it. It’s a research synthesis that includes practical suggestions.
The supplement:
Additional resources may be needed for detailed implementation.
Practical strategies could be more extensive. 😬
Dated in Some Respects
Published in 2010:
The issue:
The book was published in 2010. While the core research remains relevant, some references and examples feel dated.
The gap:
Technology has transformed childhood since publication. Screen time, social media, and digital learning aren’t addressed with contemporary depth.
The research:
Some relevant research has emerged since publication that isn’t included.
The context:
The cultural context of parenting has shifted in ways the book doesn’t capture.
The core:
The fundamental skills remain essential. But contemporary application requires some translation.
Some dated elements. 🚩
School System Mismatch
What matters vs. what’s measured:
The tension:
Galinsky argues that these seven skills matter most for success. But schools largely measure and emphasize different things—content knowledge, test performance, compliance.
The frustration:
Parents may agree with the book’s argument but face a school system that doesn’t align.
The gap:
Limited guidance on navigating the mismatch between what research shows matters and what schools reward.
The questions:
- How do you prioritize life skills when schools prioritize content?
- What if building these skills means less time for homework?
- How do you advocate for this approach with teachers?
The missing:
More practical guidance on working within systems that may not share these priorities.
School system mismatch unaddressed. 😬
Limited Guidance for Struggling Children
What about when skills don’t develop typically?
The assumption:
The book largely assumes typical development. It’s less helpful when children struggle significantly with one or more skills.
The gap:
What if your child has:
- ADHD and can’t develop focus despite your efforts?
- Autism and struggles fundamentally with perspective taking?
- Learning disabilities affecting specific skills?
- Trauma that has disrupted development?
The mention:
Some challenges are mentioned but not explored in depth.
The supplement:
Parents of struggling children will need additional specialized resources.
Limited guidance for atypical development. 😬
Privilege and Resources Assumed
Not everyone’s circumstances:
The assumption:
Many suggestions assume time, resources, and a certain kind of family structure.
The examples:
Suggestions like “read together daily,” “have conversations at dinner,” and “provide enrichment activities” assume circumstances not all families have.
The gap:
How do these principles apply when parents are working multiple jobs? When housing is unstable? When survival is the priority?
The missing:
Adaptation for under-resourced families. Recognition that some barriers are structural, not just informational.
The limitation:
The advice may feel inaccessible to families facing significant challenges.
Privilege assumed. 😬
Less Focus on Emotional Development
Skills over feelings:
The emphasis:
The book focuses primarily on cognitive skills—executive function, thinking, learning. Emotional development receives less attention.
The gap:
Emotional regulation, attachment, and social-emotional development are related to but distinct from the skills emphasized.
The complement:
Books focused specifically on emotional development would complement this one.
The integration:
The skills can’t be separated from emotional wellbeing—but the book doesn’t always integrate these fully.
Emotional development less emphasized. 📉
The Parent’s Own Skills
What if you struggle with these skills?
The reality:
Some parents struggle with the very skills they’re supposed to be nurturing—focus and self-control, perspective taking, critical thinking.
The gap:
Limited guidance on how to build these skills in yourself while trying to nurture them in your children.
The question:
Can you teach what you haven’t mastered?
The missing:
More attention to parent development alongside child development.
Parent’s own development underaddressed. 📉
Who Is This For? 🎯
Perfect if you:
- Want a research-based understanding of child development
- Appreciate depth and evidence over quick tips
- Are interested in executive function and life skills
- Want to understand WHY certain approaches work
- Are thinking long-term about your child’s development
- Enjoy learning from scientific research
- Have time and capacity for a substantial read
Not ideal if you:
- Want quick, practical activity guides
- Are looking for help with specific behavioral challenges
- Need guidance tailored to struggling or atypical children
- Want contemporary discussion of technology and screens
- Prefer light, accessible writing
- Are in crisis and need immediate strategies
- Have limited time for reading
Alternatives Worth Considering 🔄
The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson: More accessible brain science with practical strategies. Complementary approach, easier read. 🏆
How Children Succeed by Paul Tough: Explores similar territory—what skills matter for success—with narrative, journalistic style. More readable, less comprehensive.
Mindset by Carol S. Dweck: Deep dive into one of the key concepts—growth vs. fixed mindset. Essential complement for the “Taking on Challenges” skill.
The Self-Driven Child by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson: Focuses on autonomy and sense of control. Excellent complement, more contemporary.
Smart but Scattered by Peg Dawson and Richard Guare: Practical guide to building executive function skills. More hands-on implementation guidance.
NurtureShock by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman: Research-based parenting insights presented accessibly. Covers some similar ground in a more narrative format.
Raising Human Beings by Ross W. Greene: Collaborative problem-solving approach that builds many of these skills through partnership. Practical methodology.
Einstein Never Used Flashcards by Kathy Hirsh-Pasek and Roberta Michnick Golinkoff: From one of Galinsky’s sources. Focuses on learning through play. Great complement. 📚
The Final Verdict 🏅
Mind in the Making offers something valuable: a research-grounded reorientation of what children actually need to thrive. Galinsky’s synthesis of decades of developmental science challenges our assumptions and redirects our focus to what truly matters.
The seven essential skills—focus and self-control, perspective taking, communicating, making connections, critical thinking, taking on challenges, and self-directed learning—provide a comprehensive framework for thinking about child development. These aren’t fuzzy feel-good concepts; they’re capacities that research consistently links to success across life domains.
For parents who want to understand the “why” behind parenting approaches—who want evidence rather than opinion—this book delivers. It’s thorough, credible, and grounded in genuine science.
However, the research-heavy approach may not suit all readers. Practical implementation guidance could be stronger. The book shows its age in some respects. And parents facing specific challenges—struggling children, under-resourced circumstances, misaligned school systems—may need additional support.
The useful parts:
- Exceptional research foundation
- Focus and self-control as foundational skill
- Perspective taking thoroughly explored
- Communication as more than words
- Making connections as learning foundation
- Critical thinking for modern world
- Taking on challenges and growth mindset
- Self-directed learning as lifelong skill
The problematic parts:
- Dense, research-heavy writing
- Practical strategies sometimes insufficient
- Dated in some respects
- School system mismatch unaddressed
- Limited guidance for struggling children
- Privilege and resources assumed
- Emotional development less emphasized
- Parent’s own development underaddressed
The best approach: Read this book for the framework and understanding. Let it reshape what you prioritize for your children’s development. Then supplement with more practical resources for implementation. Focus on one or two skills at a time rather than trying to address all seven simultaneously. And remember that these skills develop over years, not weeks—patience and consistency matter more than intensity.
The bottom line: Mind in the Making asks a question every parent should consider: Are we focusing on what actually matters?
The research is clear: the skills that predict success aren’t the ones we typically obsess over.
Not how early they read. Not how many facts they memorize. Not their test scores or how many activities fill their schedules.
What matters is whether children can focus and control themselves. Whether they can take others’ perspectives. Whether they can communicate effectively and think critically. Whether they can make connections, take on challenges, and direct their own learning.
These skills don’t develop automatically. They’re built through experience, relationship, and intentional nurturing. And they can be built by any parent who understands what matters and is willing to prioritize it.
This is both liberating and challenging.
Liberating because you don’t need expensive programs or perfect circumstances. The skills develop through everyday interactions—conversations, play, shared problem-solving, modeling.
Challenging because it requires shifting focus from what’s easy to measure (grades, achievements, milestones) to what’s harder to see but more important (capacity for focus, ability to take perspectives, skill in thinking critically).
Your child’s future success depends less on what they know than on how they think, relate, and learn. These capacities are buildable. They’re within your influence. And developing them is the most important educational work you can do.
Galinsky shows you what the science says matters. The question is whether you’re ready to reorganize your priorities around it.
Your children are building their minds right now—every day, through every interaction. Make sure they’re building what they’ll actually need. 🧠💪✨
Did Mind in the Making change how you think about what children need? Which of the seven skills do you focus on most? What’s been hardest to nurture? Share your experience below!
Leave a Reply