Teaching with Love and Logic by Jim Fay and David Funk: A Deep Dive Review
A review from someone who thought classroom management was about control—and discovered it’s actually about choices
YoThe talking. The defiance. The “I forgot my homework” for the fifteenth time. The eye rolls. The power struggles that leave you exhausted and questioning your career choice.u became a teacher to inspire young minds. To spark curiosity. To make a difference.
Nobody told you that you’d spend 80% of your energy on classroom management.
You’ve tried everything. Strict rules. Gentle reminders. Consequences. Rewards. Yelling (you’re not proud of it). Ignoring (that made it worse). You’ve read classroom management books full of systems—clip charts, token economies, assertive discipline—that worked for a week before students figured out how to game them.
What if the entire framework is wrong?
What if classroom management isn’t about controlling students at all—but about teaching them to control themselves?
Jim Fay and David Funk’s Teaching with Love and Logic: Taking Control of the Classroom offers a fundamentally different approach. Instead of rules and consequences imposed from above, Love and Logic creates an environment where students make choices, experience natural outcomes, and develop the internal controls that no external system can provide.
It’s the classroom management philosophy that treats students as capable humans. But does it actually work in real classrooms? Let’s find out.
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What Is This Book? 🤔
Teaching with Love and Logic applies the Love and Logic philosophy—originally developed for parents—to classroom settings. Jim Fay, a former school principal and educational consultant, partnered with David Funk, an educator and trainer, to create a comprehensive approach for teachers at all grade levels.
The format:
- Philosophy and principles of Love and Logic
- Specific techniques for classroom application
- Scripts and language patterns
- Strategies for common challenges
- Application across grade levels
- Building a Love and Logic classroom culture
The core philosophy:
Traditional classroom management creates external controls—rules enforced by the teacher. When the teacher isn’t watching (or when students leave school), the controls disappear.
Love and Logic develops internal controls—students who manage themselves because they’ve learned to think, make decisions, and live with outcomes. This requires two elements:
Love: Genuine care for students. Warmth. Relationship. The security that comes from knowing the teacher is on your side.
Logic: Natural and logical consequences. The real world responding to choices. Learning from outcomes rather than punishment.
The coverage:
- The problem with traditional discipline
- Building relationships as the foundation
- Offering choices within limits
- Using enforceable statements
- Applying natural and logical consequences
- Handling power struggles
- The recovery process for misbehavior
- Working with difficult students
- Involving parents effectively
- Creating a Love and Logic school culture
The key principles:
- Students learn best through experience and consequences, not lectures
- Teachers should share control through meaningful choices
- Empathy before consequences—always
- Avoid power struggles at all costs
- Let natural consequences do the teaching
It’s classroom management that respects both teacher and student. 📖
The Good Stuff ✅
Shared Control Through Choices
The foundation of everything:
The insight:
Power struggles happen when students feel they have no control. The solution isn’t to crush their need for control—it’s to share control strategically.
The method:
Offer choices on things you don’t care about. This fills students’ need for control so they’re less likely to fight on things you DO care about.
The examples:
Instead of: “Take out your math books.”
Try: “Would you rather start with the problems on page 42 or the ones on page 43?”
Instead of: “Sit down and be quiet.”
Try: “Would you like to sit in your regular seat or the quiet corner while you settle down?”
Instead of: “Do your homework tonight.”
Try: “Would you like to do the even problems or the odd problems for homework?”
The key:
Both options must be acceptable to YOU. You’re sharing control, not giving it away.
The psychology:
Students who feel some control are more invested. They’ve chosen, so they own the outcome.
The cumulative effect:
Dozens of small choices daily fills students’ “control quota.” They stop fighting over big things because they’re not desperate.
Powerful control-sharing framework. 🎯
Enforceable Statements Change the Dynamic
What you can actually control:
The problem with traditional commands:
“Be quiet.” “Stop talking.” “Pay attention.”
You can’t actually enforce these. Students can continue talking. Then what? You’ve made a demand you can’t back up. You’ve lost power.
The Love and Logic solution:
Only say things you can enforce. Focus on what YOU will do, not what THEY must do.
The examples:
Instead of: “Stop talking during my lesson.”
Try: “I’ll start teaching as soon as it’s quiet.”
Instead of: “Do your homework or else.”
Try: “I give full credit for assignments turned in on time.”
Instead of: “Stop disrupting the class.”
Try: “Feel free to stay with us as long as you can be respectful. I’ll let you know if there’s a problem.”
Instead of: “You need to try harder.”
Try: “I’ll be happy to help students who are giving good effort.”
The power:
You’ve made a statement that is 100% in your control. No power struggle possible.
The calm:
Enforceable statements can be delivered calmly. No yelling required. No frustration leaking through.
The dignity:
Both teacher and student maintain dignity. No one is being commanded or threatened.
Enforceable statements transform dynamics. ✨
Empathy Before Consequences
The “Love” in Love and Logic:
The sequence:
When consequences happen, ALWAYS lead with empathy. Genuine care. Then let the consequence land.
The reason:
Without empathy, consequences feel like punishment—like the teacher is against the student. This triggers defensiveness and resentment.
With empathy, the consequence is just reality—and the teacher is on the student’s side, even while the outcome is uncomfortable.
The phrases:
“Oh, that’s such a bummer. I hate it when that happens.”
“This is so sad. I really wish this hadn’t happened.”
“What a tough situation. I feel for you.”
“I know this is hard. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.”
The authenticity:
This must be genuine. Kids detect fake empathy instantly. You have to actually feel compassion for their predicament—even when they created it.
The delivery:
Empathy is delivered BEFORE the consequence, not after. Not “That’s a consequence AND I feel bad.” Instead: “I feel bad. AND here’s what happens.”
The message:
“I care about you. I’m sad this is happening. AND consequences are real.” The relationship survives the consequence.
Empathy transforms consequences. 💪
Natural and Logical Consequences vs. Punishment
What actually teaches:
The distinction:
Punishment: Imposed suffering intended to make students regret misbehavior. Often disconnected from the offense. Teacher-controlled.
Natural consequences: What happens naturally without intervention. Forget your coat → you’re cold. Don’t study → poor grade.
Logical consequences: Related, reasonable, and respectfully enforced outcomes that mirror real life. Waste class time → make it up later. Damage property → repair or replace it.
The learning:
Punishment teaches “don’t get caught.” Consequences teach “my choices have outcomes.”
The examples:
Punishment: You talked during class, so you lose recess.
Logical consequence: You talked during class, so we didn’t finish. You’ll complete the work during recess.
Punishment: You didn’t do your homework, so you get detention.
Logical consequence: You didn’t do your homework, so you’ll complete it before participating in preferred activities.
Punishment: You were disrespectful, so I’m calling your parents.
Logical consequence: You were disrespectful, so we need to talk about how to repair our relationship.
The real world:
Natural and logical consequences mirror adult life. The world doesn’t punish us—it just responds to our choices.
The internalization:
Students who experience consequences develop internal reasoning: “If I do X, Y happens.” Punishment develops external reasoning: “If I do X and get caught, I’ll be punished.”
Consequences teach what punishment can’t. 🌟
“I’ll Love You Wherever You Are”
Unconditional positive regard:
The foundation:
Students must know that teacher care is unconditional. You’re on their side whether they succeed or fail, behave or misbehave.
The problem with conditional regard:
When students feel loved only when they perform well, failure becomes terrifying. They’ll cheat, lie, or give up rather than risk your disapproval.
The Love and Logic message:
“I’ll love you wherever you are. I’ll love you if you pass. I’ll love you if you fail. I’ll love you if you make good choices. I’ll love you if you make poor ones.”
The paradox:
Students who feel unconditionally accepted are MORE likely to behave well, not less. Security enables risk-taking and growth.
The limits:
You can unconditionally care about a student while still allowing consequences. “I care about you deeply AND you’ll need to make up the time you wasted.”
The modeling:
You’re modeling how healthy relationships work. “I can disagree with your choices and still value you as a person.”
Unconditional regard as foundation. 🛡️
Avoiding Power Struggles
The discipline of not engaging:
The trap:
Students who want power will bait you. They’ll argue, negotiate, provoke. And the moment you engage, they’ve won—because now they’re controlling the conversation.
The Love and Logic response:
Don’t engage. Refuse the power struggle without being cold or dismissive.
The techniques:
The one-liner: Have a phrase that ends conversations. “I argue at 3:15 on Thursdays. Check with me then.” “Thanks for sharing that with me.” “I bet it feels that way.” “Could be.”
Going brain dead: Respond to complaints without reacting. “Probably so.” “That’s an idea.” “Hmm.”
Delaying consequences: “I’m going to have to think about this and get back to you. Try not to worry about it.” This ends the immediate confrontation and gives you time.
The key:
You’re not ignoring the student. You’re refusing to escalate. The issue will be addressed—just not in the heat of the moment.
The modeling:
You’re showing students how to stay calm under pressure. This is life skill teaching.
The peace:
Classrooms without power struggles are calmer, safer, more productive for everyone.
Power struggle avoidance essential. 📝
The Recovery Process
What happens after misbehavior:
The problem with immediate consequences:
In the moment of misbehavior, everyone is escalated. Quick consequences often become punishment—emotional, disconnected, regretted later.
The Love and Logic alternative:
Remove the student from the situation (if needed) but delay the detailed consequence conversation.
The process:
- Empathetic removal: “This isn’t working. I need you to step outside/go to the recovery area. We’ll talk later. Try not to worry.”
- Cool-down time: Both teacher and student de-escalate. No one is forced to think clearly while triggered.
- Recovery conversation: Later, calmly discuss what happened, what the student thinks should happen, and what will happen.
- Problem-solving: The student is involved in figuring out how to make things right and prevent recurrence.
The message:
“Misbehavior is a problem we solve together, not a crime I punish.”
The relationship:
The relationship survives because consequences happen in calm, connected conversation—not heated confrontation.
The learning:
Real reflection happens during recovery conversations, not during punishment.
Recovery process maintains dignity. 🧠
Practical Scripts for Common Situations
What to actually say:
The value:
Love and Logic provides specific language for dozens of situations. You don’t have to improvise.
Examples:
Student refuses to work:
“I give full credit for work completed on time. Feel free to work on this now or make other arrangements. Either way, I hope it works out.”
Student argues about grades:
“I’ll be happy to discuss your grade. I discuss grades with students who approach me calmly and privately. Let me know when you’re ready.”
Student disrupts repeatedly:
“This is so sad. It looks like you need to leave us for now. I’ll check in with you later to see if you’re ready to rejoin us.”
Student says “I can’t”:
“I bet it feels that way. Let me know if you’d like some help getting started.”
Student complains about fairness:
“I know. Life isn’t always fair. I struggle with that too.”
The preparation:
Having language ready prevents reactive responses. You know what you’ll say before situations arise.
The practice:
The scripts become natural with practice. Eventually, you speak Love and Logic fluently.
Practical scripts for real situations. 💬
The Not-So-Good Stuff 😬
Can Feel Manipulative If Not Genuine
The technique without the heart:
The risk:
Love and Logic techniques can be delivered inauthentically—as manipulation strategies rather than genuine relationship tools.
The detection:
Students know. They can tell when “I’ll love you wherever you are” is a technique versus a truth.
The problem:
The phrases become hollow. The empathy feels fake. The choices feel like traps rather than genuine options.
The requirement:
Love and Logic only works if you genuinely care about students, genuinely want to share control, and genuinely feel empathy when they struggle.
The work:
For some teachers, this requires real internal change—not just technique adoption.
The warning:
If you’re using Love and Logic to control students more effectively, you’ve missed the point entirely.
Can feel manipulative without genuine care. 😬
Limited Options for Severe Behavior
When choices aren’t enough:
The gap:
The book works best for typical classroom management challenges. It’s less helpful for severe behavioral issues.
The situations:
Violence. Serious defiance. Students with significant trauma. Students with behavioral disorders. These often need more than enforceable statements and choices.
The assumption:
Love and Logic assumes students can engage in logical thinking about consequences. Some students—due to developmental issues, trauma, or mental health challenges—can’t reliably do this.
The complement:
Teachers with highly challenging students need Love and Logic PLUS additional strategies—possibly including Ross Greene’s Collaborative & Proactive Solutions or trauma-informed practices.
The clarity:
The book could be clearer about its limitations with severe behavior.
Limited guidance for severe behavior. 😬
Some Consequences Are Hard to Make Natural
The artificial problem:
The challenge:
Not everything has a natural or logical consequence that’s apparent and timely.
The example:
What’s the natural consequence of talking during a lesson? Other students missed information—but the talker might not care. Not learning the material will hurt eventually—but that’s too abstract and distant.
The stretch:
Sometimes the “logical” consequences are actually pretty artificial—having to eat lunch in the classroom, losing free time, making up work.
The honesty:
Some consequences teachers apply are really just punishments dressed up in logical-sounding language.
The gap:
The book could be more honest about when true natural/logical consequences aren’t available and what to do then.
Natural consequences sometimes stretched. 🚩
Requires Whole-School Support
The island problem:
The reality:
One Love and Logic teacher in a traditional school faces challenges.
The inconsistency:
Students experience different approaches in different classrooms. The Love and Logic message gets confused.
The administration:
If administrators expect traditional discipline, Love and Logic teachers may face pressure to be more punitive.
The colleagues:
Other teachers may see Love and Logic as soft or permissive. Professional relationships can suffer.
The ideal:
Love and Logic works best when the whole school adopts the approach—but that’s rarely realistic.
The navigation:
The book could offer more guidance on being a Love and Logic teacher in a non-Love and Logic school.
Whole-school support often lacking. 😬
Dated Cultural References
Showing its age:
The issue:
The book has been revised but still contains examples and scenarios that feel dated.
The impact:
Some readers find it harder to connect with older examples.
The classrooms:
Today’s classrooms are more diverse, more tech-infused, and face different challenges than when the book was originally written.
The update needed:
A more thorough revision addressing contemporary classroom realities would strengthen the book.
The workaround:
Focus on principles rather than specific examples, which translate across contexts.
Some dated elements. 📉
Can Become Formulaic
When technique replaces relationship:
The risk:
Teachers can become so focused on saying the right phrases that they lose genuine connection.
The robotic:
“That’s such a bummer. I give full credit for work turned in on time. Would you like to do the even or odd problems?”—delivered without warmth.
The relationship:
Love and Logic is built on relationship. When it becomes a bag of tricks, it loses its power.
The balance:
The techniques serve the relationship, not the other way around.
The reminder:
The “Love” comes before the “Logic” for a reason.
Can become formulaic without care. 😬
Parent Communication Challenges
When home and school don’t align:
The approach:
Love and Logic at school may conflict with approaches at home.
The confusion:
Students experience choices at school but authoritarian approaches at home (or vice versa).
The parent reaction:
Some parents think Love and Logic is too soft. Others think it’s too consequence-heavy.
The communication:
Teachers need to explain the approach to parents—which takes time and skill.
The gap:
The book offers some guidance on parent communication but could offer
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