A review from someone who once screamed “JUST CALM DOWN!” at a child and realized the irony approximately three seconds too late

You’ve read the parenting books. You know the techniques. You understand what you’re supposed to do when your child melts down, defies you, or pushes every button you have.

And yet, in the moment, none of it is accessible.

Instead of the calm, connected response you planned, you hear your mother’s voice coming out of your mouth. Instead of empathy and curiosity, you feel rage, shame, and desperation. Instead of being the parent you want to be, you become someone you barely recognize.

The parenting books told you what to do with your child. None of them addressed the real problem: what’s happening inside you.

Susan Stiffelman’s Parenting with Presence makes a radical argument: the most important parenting work isn’t learning better techniques. It’s doing your own inner work. The path to better parenting runs through your own healing, awareness, and presence—not through more strategies for managing your child.

But is this mindful, spiritual approach genuinely transformative? Or is it navel-gazing disguised as parenting advice? Let’s examine what resonates, what falls short, and whether the real parenting revolution starts inside you.

---

What Is This Book? 🤔

Parenting with Presence reframes parenting as a spiritual practice—an opportunity for the parent’s own growth, healing, and awakening.

The core premise: Your children are your greatest teachers. Their behavior triggers your unresolved issues. Your reactions reveal your wounds. And your healing transforms your parenting more than any technique ever could.

Stiffelman, a licensed therapist and mindfulness practitioner, builds her approach on several foundations:

1. Presence over reactivity — Being fully here rather than lost in thoughts, fears, or projections
2. Acceptance over resistance — Meeting children (and yourself) as you are, not as you wish you were
3. Inner work over outer control — Transforming yourself rather than trying to control your child
4. Mindfulness as foundation — Awareness as the basis for all skillful parenting
5. Children as teachers — Every challenge as an opportunity for growth

The book covers:

• Why techniques fail without presence
• Understanding your triggers and their origins
• Accepting your child as they actually are
• Navigating your own emotional storms
• Letting go of the fantasy child
• Handling disappointment, anger, and fear
• Staying present through conflict
• Finding spiritual meaning in parenting struggles
• Practical mindfulness exercises for parents
• Building a personal practice that supports presence

It’s part parenting guide, part mindfulness manual, part spiritual invitation. 📖

---

The Good Stuff ✅

The “Captain of the Ship” Metaphor Transforms Power Dynamics

Stiffelman’s central image reframes parental authority:

The typical struggle:

• Child pushes boundaries
• Parent either caves (permissive) or clamps down (authoritarian)
• Power struggle ensues
• No one wins; relationship suffers

The Captain metaphor:

You are the captain of the ship. Your child is a valued passenger—beloved, important, worthy of consideration. But passengers don’t steer the ship.

What good captains do:

• Remain calm in storms
• Make decisions confidently
• Listen to passengers without being controlled by them
• Stay steady when others panic
• Maintain authority without aggression
• Don’t need passengers to agree with decisions

What bad captains do:

• Argue with passengers about who’s driving
• Abandon the wheel when passengers complain
• Yell at passengers to make themselves feel in control
• Take votes on which way to steer
• Collapse under pressure

The practical shift:

When your child protests a decision, you don’t need to:

• Justify at length
• Convince them you’re right
• Get their agreement
• Win the argument
• Make them happy about it

You can simply acknowledge their feelings and hold your position: “I hear that you’re upset. And this is what we’re doing.”

The energy change:
Captains don’t negotiate their authority. They don’t need passengers to validate their decisions. This calm confidence is felt by children and actually creates security.

The insight:
Most parents either abdicate the captain role (permissive) or captain through aggression (authoritarian). Stiffelman offers a third way: calm, confident, loving authority.

Be the captain. Don’t argue about who’s steering. 🎯

The “Triggers as Teachers” Framework Is Genuinely Transformative

The book’s most valuable concept:

The typical pattern:

1. Child does something
2. Parent has intense reaction
3. Parent blames child for the reaction
4. Parent focuses on changing child’s behavior

Stiffelman’s reframe:

1. Child does something
2. Parent has intense reaction
3. Parent gets curious: “What’s this reaction about in ME?”
4. Parent focuses on understanding their own trigger

The premise:
Your child’s behavior is the stimulus. Your reaction is about you—your history, your wounds, your unmet needs, your fears.

Examples:

Trigger: Child whines
Surface reaction: “This is so annoying! Why won’t they stop?”
Deeper exploration: “Whining triggers me because I wasn’t allowed to express needs as a child. I was told to be grateful. My child’s open expression of desire hits my wound around having needs.”

Trigger: Child defies you
Surface reaction: “This is disrespectful! They need to learn who’s boss!”
Deeper exploration: “Defiance triggers me because I feel powerless, like I did with my own controlling parent. I’m reacting to an old helplessness, not just this moment.”

Trigger: Child fails at something
Surface reaction: “They’re not trying hard enough! They’ll never succeed!”
Deeper exploration: “My child’s failure triggers my own fear of inadequacy. I’m projecting my anxiety about my own worth onto them.”

Why this matters:
When you understand your triggers, you can:

• Respond rather than react
• Address the actual issue (your wound) rather than the symptom (the child’s behavior)
• Stop expecting your child to manage your emotions
• Model self-awareness for your children

The practice:
After an intense reaction, ask: “What’s this really about? What old wound is being touched? What am I making this mean?”

Your child isn’t the problem. They’re the revealer of your unfinished work. ✨

The “Accepting the Child You Have” Chapter Addresses Deep Grief

One of the book’s most emotionally honest sections:

The fantasy child:
Before your actual child existed, you imagined them. Athletic or artistic. Outgoing or thoughtful. Certain temperament, interests, abilities.

The actual child:
Different from the fantasy. Maybe profoundly different.

The hidden grief:
Many parents carry unacknowledged grief about the gap between the child they imagined and the child they have.

How this grief manifests:

• Constant disappointment in your child
• Trying to mold them into someone else
• Focusing on what’s wrong rather than what’s there
• Comparing them to other children
• Pushing them toward interests that aren’t theirs
• Subtle (or not so subtle) rejection

Stiffelman’s invitation:
Grieve the fantasy child consciously. Feel the loss. Let it be real.

Then turn toward the actual child with full presence and acceptance.

What acceptance looks like:

• Seeing who they actually are
• Appreciating their actual gifts (even if different from what you wanted)
• Stopping the campaign to make them different
• Meeting them where they are, not where you wish they were
• Delighting in the child who exists

What acceptance doesn’t mean:

• No boundaries or expectations
• Approval of all behavior
• Giving up on growth
• Ignoring genuine problems

The distinction:
Accept the child. Address behaviors. These are different things.

The profound shift:
When you stop grieving a fantasy child and start seeing your actual child, everything changes. They feel seen. You feel connected. The relationship breathes.

Grieve the fantasy. Embrace the reality. 💪

The “Walls or Bridges” Communication Model Is Practical

Stiffelman offers a simple framework for connection:

Wall behaviors (create disconnection):

• Lecturing
• Criticizing
• Advising (unsolicited)
• Comparing
• Threatening
• Dismissing feelings
• “You should…”
• “When I was your age…”
• “Why can’t you just…”

Bridge behaviors (create connection):

• Listening without agenda
• Reflecting what you hear
• Asking curious questions
• Acknowledging feelings
• Being present without fixing
• “Tell me more…”
• “That sounds hard…”
• “I’m here…”

The simple practice:
Before speaking, ask: “Is this a wall or a bridge?”

If it’s a wall, pause. Find a bridge instead.

Examples:

Child says: “I hate school. I have no friends.”

Wall response: “That’s not true. What about Sarah? And you need to try harder to be friendly. When I was your age…”

Bridge response: “That sounds really lonely. Tell me more about what’s happening.”

Child says: “This homework is stupid. I’m not doing it.”

Wall response: “You have to do it. Stop complaining. If you’d started earlier, you wouldn’t be struggling.”

Bridge response: “You sound frustrated. What feels so hard about it?”

Why bridges first:
Walls don’t create change—they create resistance. Children who feel heard are more likely to collaborate. Connection precedes cooperation.

The permission:
You can address problems, set limits, and have expectations AFTER you’ve built a bridge. The bridge isn’t instead of standards; it’s the pathway to them.

Build the bridge before you try to carry anything across. 🌟

The Mindfulness Practices Are Accessible

Unlike some spiritual books, this one provides concrete exercises:

The STOP practice:
When triggered, STOP:

• Stop — Pause before reacting
• Take a breath — One conscious breath
• Observe — Notice what’s happening in your body and mind
• Proceed — Choose your response consciously

Why it works:
Creates a gap between stimulus and response. In that gap, choice lives.

The body scan for parents:
Before interacting with your child (especially after work or during transitions):

• Feel your feet on the ground
• Notice your breath
• Scan for tension
• Release what you can
• Arrive fully before engaging

Why it helps:
Children feel your distraction, stress, and absence. Taking 60 seconds to arrive creates a different quality of connection.

The “noting” practice:
During difficult moments, silently note what’s arising:

• “Anger arising”
• “Fear arising”
• “Judgment arising”
• “Wanting to control”
• “Feeling helpless”

Why it works:
Naming creates distance. You’re not consumed by the emotion—you’re observing it.

The repair meditation:
After a rupture with your child:

• Sit quietly
• Replay what happened without judgment
• Feel what you were feeling
• Feel what your child might have been feeling
• Sense what repair might look like
• Set intention for reconnection

The practical emphasis:
These aren’t elaborate practices requiring retreat attendance. They’re brief, accessible tools for the chaos of daily parenting.

Mindfulness isn’t about sitting on cushions. It’s about being awake in your life. 🧘

The “Two Hands of Parenting” Concept Balances Love and Limits

Stiffelman addresses the connection/boundaries tension:

One hand: Loving presence

• Acceptance
• Empathy
• Connection
• Attunement
• Warmth
• Understanding

Other hand: Loving authority

• Limits
• Structure
• Guidance
• Expectations
• Boundaries
• Leadership

The mistake of one hand:
Using only the loving presence hand = permissiveness, no leadership, child runs the show.

Using only the loving authority hand = authoritarianism, control without connection, relationship damage.

The integration:
Both hands together. Connection AND boundaries. Empathy AND limits. Acceptance AND expectations.

Practical application:

“I hear that you want to stay up late. I understand—the game is exciting and you don’t want it to end. (Loving presence) And it’s bedtime. Your body needs sleep. (Loving authority)”

“I can see you’re really angry at your brother. Those feelings make sense—he took your toy. (Loving presence) And hitting isn’t okay in our family. (Loving authority)”

The order matters:
Usually, presence first, then authority. Connection opens the door to cooperation.

The non-negotiable:
Both hands must be available. Parents who are all warmth without structure aren’t doing their children any favors. Neither are parents who are all control without connection.

Love includes limits. Limits include love. 🧠

The “Parenting as Spiritual Practice” Frame Elevates Daily Struggles

Stiffelman reframes mundane difficulties:

Traditional view:
Parenting challenges are obstacles to manage, problems to solve, difficulties to survive.

Spiritual view:
Parenting challenges are invitations to grow, opportunities to heal, doorways to awakening.

What this means practically:

The whining child isn’t just annoying—they’re inviting you to examine your relationship with needs and discomfort.

The defiant teenager isn’t just disrespectful—they’re inviting you to examine your relationship with control and letting go.

The anxious child isn’t just difficult—they’re inviting you to examine your own anxiety and how you model response to uncertainty.

The strong-willed child isn’t just exhausting—they’re inviting you to find your own center, your own groundedness that doesn’t depend on their compliance.

Why this reframe helps:
When difficulties become opportunities, you approach them differently. Curiosity replaces frustration. Growth becomes possible.

The daily practice:
When something hard happens, ask: “What is this here to teach me? What am I being invited to examine?”

The perspective shift:
Parenting isn’t something you do while waiting for real spiritual practice. Parenting IS the practice. The kitchen floor at 3 AM with a crying baby is the meditation cushion. The power struggle over homework is the koan.

Your children are your greatest teachers—if you let them be. 📝

The “Model, Don’t Lecture” Emphasis Is Refreshing

Stiffelman repeatedly emphasizes the limits of words:

What parents typically do:
Lecture about kindness, honesty, patience, gratitude, hard work…

What children actually learn from:
Watching how parents treat others, handle frustration, navigate disappointment, respond to stress…

The uncomfortable truth:
Your child will learn more from how you speak to your partner during a conflict than from a hundred lectures about respectful communication.

They will learn more from how you handle your own disappointment than from any talk about resilience.

They will learn more from how you treat yourself when you fail than from any words about self-compassion.

The invitation:
Instead of asking “What should I teach my child about X?” ask “How am I modeling X in my own life?”

Examples:

Want your child to manage anger? Model how YOU manage your anger (including apologizing when you don’t).

Want your child to be honest? Model YOUR honesty, including admitting mistakes and uncertainties.

Want your child to be kind? Let them see YOUR kindness to strangers, family, yourself.

Want your child to embrace failure? Let them see how YOU handle your own failures.

The relief:
This isn’t about being perfect. It’s about being honest. Children can handle your imperfection—what they need is your authenticity.

Model what you want to see. Then get out of the way. ❤️

---

The Not-So-Good Stuff 😬

The Spiritual Language May Alienate Some Readers

The book has a distinctly spiritual orientation:

Language throughout:

• “Awakening”
• “Consciousness”
• “Soul”
• “Presence”
• “Divine”
• “Sacred”
• “Spiritual journey”

The philosophical foundation:

• Children as spiritual teachers
• Parenting as path to enlightenment
• Life as opportunity for awakening
• Suffering as doorway to growth

The concern:
For readers who don’t resonate with spiritual frameworks, this language may feel:

• Off-putting
• Vague
• Ungrounded
• New-Agey
• Irrelevant to practical parenting challenges

The underlying question:
Is the spiritual framing essential to the practices? Or could the same wisdom be conveyed without it?

The honest assessment:
Much of the practical advice (triggers as teachers, walls vs. bridges, captain metaphor) doesn’t require spiritual belief. But it’s so embedded in spiritual context that secular readers may struggle to extract it.

What would help:
More explicit acknowledgment that these practices can be valuable regardless of spiritual orientation—or a more secular version for different audiences.

Know your own resonance before committing. 🎭

The “Inner Work” Emphasis Can Delay Practical Action

The focus on parental self-examination:

The message:
Work on yourself first. Your healing is the foundation.

The potential problem:
Parents who need practical strategies NOW may find the emphasis on inner work frustrating.

The scenarios this misses:

Urgent behavior issues: A child hitting others at school can’t wait for the parent’s deep exploration of why aggression triggers them.

Safety concerns: When a teen is engaging in risky behavior, internal processing isn’t the only response needed.

Acute crises: Sometimes you need to act before you understand.

The imbalance:
The book is so focused on inner work that external strategies can feel secondary or even dismissed.

The reality:
You can do inner work AND learn practical skills. They’re not mutually exclusive. But the book’s emphasis leans heavily toward the internal.

What would help:
Better integration of inner work with concrete strategies. Acknowledgment of when external action takes priority.

Self-awareness without skills is incomplete. 😬

The Privilege of Presence

The approach assumes certain resources:

Time required:

• Meditation practice
• Reflection after incidents
• Conscious breathing before interactions
• Processing triggers
• Inner exploration

Emotional resources required:

• Capacity for self-reflection
• Ability to pause when triggered
• Access to own emotional experience
• Psychological stability to do deep work

Support assumed:

• No mention of single parenting challenges
• Limited attention to parents with their own trauma or mental health challenges
• Assumption of enough margin for contemplative practice

The gap:
For parents in survival mode, the instruction to “pause, breathe, and reflect on what’s arising” may feel laughably impossible when they’re working two jobs and managing everything alone.

The class implications:
Mindfulness practices, while theoretically free, often come from contexts of privilege. The language, assumptions, and practices reflect certain demographics.

What would help:
More acknowledgment of when “presence” is a luxury, and more guidance for parents operating from scarcity.

Not everyone has margin for meditation. 💰

The Therapy Assumption Is Significant

The book repeatedly suggests deep exploration:

Invitations throughout:

• “Examine where this trigger originates”
• “Explore what childhood experiences shaped this reaction”
• “Investigate the wound beneath the surface”

The assumption:
Parents can safely and productively engage in this deep self-exploration on their own.

The concern:
For parents with significant trauma, attachment wounds, or mental health challenges, this kind of exploration can:

• Trigger overwhelming experiences
• Surface material that needs professional support
• Create instability rather than growth
• Worsen rather than help

What the book doesn’t adequately address:
When to seek professional support versus when self-guided exploration is sufficient.

The line:
Some inner work is appropriate for self-help. Some requires the safety of therapeutic relationship.

What would help:
More explicit guidance about when the book’s exercises are appropriate and when professional support is needed.

Self-help has limits. Some wounds need witnesses. 😰

The Neurodivergent Gap Is Familiar

Like most parenting books:

For ADHD parents:

• “Pause and reflect” may be neurologically difficult
• Mindfulness practices may need significant modification
• The calm, centered captain may not be accessible
• Executive function affects ability to implement

For parents with anxiety:

• Self-examination can increase rumination
• The focus on what’s “wrong” inside can fuel anxiety
• Mindfulness without proper guidance can backfire
• Presence can feel like another thing to fail at

For parents with depression:

• Energy for reflection may be unavailable
• Self-focus can worsen depressive patterns
• The aspirational tone may increase inadequacy feelings

For neurodivergent children:

• Standard presence practices may not land the same way
• Triggers may be sensory, not historical
• The relational emphasis assumes typical social processing

The gap:
The approach assumes neurotypical processing in both parent and child.

What would help:
Acknowledgment of how neurodivergence affects both the practices and their implementation.

One path doesn’t fit all minds. 🩺

The Evidence Base Is Limited

The approach draws on:

What’s cited:

• Mindfulness research (general)
• Attachment theory
• The author’s clinical experience
• Spiritual traditions
• Anecdotal success stories

What’s missing:

• Controlled studies of this specific approach
• Data on outcomes
• Research on which parents and children benefit most
• Comparison to other approaches

The honest assessment:
The general principles align with research directions (mindfulness helps regulation, attachment matters, self-awareness improves parenting). But the specific framework and practices aren’t validated.

The question:
Does “parenting with presence” produce better outcomes than other approaches? The book doesn’t provide evidence to answer this.

What would help:
More explicit acknowledgment of what’s evidence-based versus what’s clinical intuition and spiritual tradition.

Wisdom traditions aren’t the same as validated interventions. 🔬

The “Your Triggers Are About You” Can Become Self-Blame

The framework has a shadow side:

The intended message:
Your reactions reveal your wounds. This is an opportunity for growth.

The potential distortion:
My reactions are my fault. My child’s behavior problems are really my problems. If I were more healed, parenting would be easy.

The slippery slope:
“Triggers as teachers” can become “I’m the problem.” Self-awareness can become self-criticism. Inner work can become endless inadequacy.

What gets lost:
Sometimes your child’s behavior IS genuinely difficult. Sometimes the challenge is external, not internal. Sometimes you’re not overreacting—you’re responding appropriately to something hard.

The balance needed:
Your triggers are worth examining AND some things are legitimately triggering for healthy reasons.

What would help:
More explicit acknowledgment of when reactions are appropriate versus when they reveal unfinished work.

Not every frustration is a wound. Some things are just hard. 🚩

The Relationship to Other Approaches Is Unclear

The book exists in a landscape of parenting advice:

Potential tensions:

With behavioral approaches: Presence-based parenting may seem to reject the legitimacy of behavior management strategies.

With structure-focused approaches: The emphasis on acceptance may seem to conflict with limit-setting guidance.

With trauma-informed approaches: While compatible in many ways, there are differences in emphasis and technique.

The integration question:
How does “parenting with presence” fit with Love and Logic? With whole-brain parenting? With authoritative parenting research?

What’s missing:
Explicit acknowledgment of how this approach relates to others. When is presence enough? When do you need other strategies?

The practical challenge:
Parents reading multiple books may struggle to integrate different frameworks without guidance.

Approaches in isolation are less useful than approaches in context. 📚

The “Being” Over “Doing” Emphasis Has Limits

Stiffelman emphasizes presence over technique:

The message:
Who you are matters more than what you do. Being present is more important than strategies.

The valid point:
Techniques without presence can feel hollow and ineffective.

The limitation:
Some parents genuinely need skills. Presence without tools can leave you feeling calm but incompetent.

What some parents need:

• Actual scripts for difficult conversations
• Step-by-step guidance for specific challenges
• Behavioral strategies for concerning patterns
• Concrete tools, not just awareness

The gap:
The book is light on specific “what to do” guidance. If you’re looking for practical strategies, you may feel the book delivers less than you need.

What would help:
Better balance between inner orientation and outer skill-building.

Being and doing aren’t either/or. Both matter. ⚠️

---

Who Is This For? 🎯

Perfect if you:

• Resonate with mindfulness and spiritual approaches
• Recognize that your own patterns are affecting your parenting
• Want to understand the “why” behind your reactions
• Have capacity for self-reflection and inner work
• Are interested in parenting as personal growth opportunity
• Have done some therapeutic work and feel ready for deeper exploration
• Find technique-focused books insufficient
• Want permission to work on yourself as a parenting strategy

Not ideal if you:

• Don’t connect with spiritual language or frameworks
• Need practical strategies and scripts more than inner reflection
• Are in survival mode without bandwidth for contemplative practice
• Have significant unprocessed trauma that needs professional support
• Want evidence-based approaches with research validation
• Have neurodivergent children or are neurodivergent yourself
• Are looking primarily for behavior management tools
• Find the “your triggers are about you” frame likely to become self-blame

---

Alternatives Worth Considering 🔄

Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting by Myla & Jon Kabat-Zinn: The classic mindful parenting book. More secular tone, from the founder of MBSR. Less spiritual language, similar emphasis on presence. 🏆

Parenting from the Inside Out by Daniel Siegel & Mary Hartzell: Brain science approach to understanding how your history affects your parenting. More research-grounded, less spiritual.

The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson: If you want more practical strategies alongside the inner awareness. Brain-based framework with concrete tools.

Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Laura Markham: Similar philosophy with more practical strategies. Better balance of inner work and outer skills.

Self-Compassion by Kristin Neff: Not specifically about parenting, but essential companion for the self-examination this book invites. Prevents self-awareness from becoming self-criticism.

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen by Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish: If you need more practical communication tools to complement the presence Stiffelman describes. 📚

---

The Final Verdict 🏅

Parenting with Presence offers a distinctive contribution to the parenting literature: the argument that your inner work is your most important parenting work. The emphasis on triggers as teachers, acceptance of the actual child, and mindfulness as foundation addresses dimensions that technique-focused books often miss.

For parents who recognize that their own patterns are driving their parenting struggles—and who resonate with contemplative and spiritual approaches—this book offers genuine depth and transformation.

However, the approach has real limitations. The spiritual language won’t resonate universally. The emphasis on inner work may delay practical action. The privilege assumptions and therapy-level invitations aren’t adequately acknowledged. And the evidence base is limited.

The useful parts:

• Captain of the ship metaphor: Calm authority without aggression
• Triggers as teachers: Transforms frustrations into growth opportunities
• Accepting the actual child: Addresses hidden grief about the fantasy child
• Walls vs. bridges: Simple framework for connection
• Mindfulness practices: Accessible tools for presence
• Two hands of parenting: Integrates love and limits
• Parenting as spiritual practice: Elevates daily struggles to meaningful work
• Model, don’t lecture: Emphasizes the power of example

The problematic parts:

• Spiritual language: May alienate secular readers
• Inner work emphasis: Can delay needed practical action
• Privilege assumptions: Presence requires margin many don’t have
• Therapy-level invitations: May need professional support to explore safely
• Neurodivergent gaps: Assumes typical processing
• Evidence limitations: Wisdom tradition, not validated intervention
• Self-blame potential: Trigger focus can become fault focus
• Being over doing: Light on concrete strategies

The best approach: Read this alongside more practical books, not instead of them. Use the inner work focus to understand your reactions AND learn concrete skills for challenging moments. Be alert to the difference between self-awareness and self-blame. And recognize when the exploration the book invites needs professional support rather than self-guided reflection.

The bottom line: Parenting with Presence addresses something essential that most parenting books skip: the interior life of the parent. The insight that your children trigger your unresolved material—and that this is an opportunity, not just a problem—is genuinely valuable.

But presence isn’t a complete parenting strategy. It’s a foundation. You also need skills, tools, and practical wisdom about child development. Presence helps you access those tools when triggered. But presence without tools leaves you calm and clueless.

The book’s deepest invitation is this: Stop trying to fix your child. Start examining yourself. Your own healing creates the conditions where your child can thrive.

This is humbling. It’s also potentially liberating. Instead of an endless battle to control an external variable (your child’s behavior), you have an internal path available to you. Your own growth is something you can actually work on.

Whether this framing resonates depends on your orientation. If you’re drawn to contemplative practice, if you sense that your own stuff is contaminating your parenting, if you want parenting to be something more than behavior management—this book offers a path.

If you need practical strategies, if spiritual language doesn’t land, if you’re in survival mode—look elsewhere first.

The real question isn’t whether the book is good or bad. It’s whether it’s right for you, right now, in your particular parenting journey.

And only you can know that.

But the core insight—that your presence matters more than your techniques—is worth sitting with, regardless of whether you read the book.

Because the truth is simple: who you are shapes your child more than anything you do. And who you are is something you can always work on.

That’s the real invitation of parenting with presence. Not perfection. Presence. 🧘✨

---

Have you explored mindfulness or spiritual approaches to parenting? What practices have helped you stay present with your children? Where do you struggle to access your “calm captain”? How do you balance inner work with practical parenting needs? Share your experiences below!