A review from someone who thought parenting was about getting kids to comply—and discovered it’s actually about solving problems together

You have a parenting approach. Maybe you’re authoritative—firm but warm. Maybe you’re more permissive. Maybe you’re somewhere in between. Whatever your style, you have a fundamental assumption built in:

Your job is to get your kids to do what they should do.

Make good choices. Follow rules. Meet expectations. Behave appropriately. Your role is to guide, direct, correct, and shape. Their role is to comply, learn, and eventually internalize your values.

It sounds reasonable. It IS reasonable—for many kids and many situations.

But what if there’s a better way? What if the compliance-focused model—even the warm, loving version—misses something essential about raising humans? What if the real goal isn’t getting kids to do what you want, but helping them become who they’re capable of being?

Dr. Ross W. Greene’s Raising Human Beings: Creating a Collaborative Partnership with Your Child challenges the foundational assumptions of most parenting. Building on his work with challenging kids in The Explosive Child, Greene expands his Collaborative & Proactive Solutions model to ALL children—arguing that partnership, not compliance, should be the paradigm.

It’s the parenting book that asks you to reconsider everything. But is collaboration really better than guidance? Let’s find out.

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🎧 Want the Audiobook for FREE?

Before we dive in, here’s a little-known trick to get this audiobook at no cost:

1. Click the link above to view Raising Human Beings on Amazon
2. Look for the “+ Audiobook” option when selecting your format
3. Sign up for a free 30-day Audible trial
4. Receive the full audiobook as part of your trial
5. Keep the audiobook forever—even if you cancel the trial before it renews!

Listen while reconsidering your entire approach to parenting. Cancel within 30 days, pay nothing, and keep the audiobook permanently. Greene’s thoughtful, methodical style translates well to audio. 🎧📚

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What Is This Book? 🤔

Raising Human Beings extends Greene’s Collaborative & Proactive Solutions (CPS) approach—developed for challenging children—to all children. It argues that the problem-solving partnership model isn’t just for “difficult” kids; it’s the optimal way to raise any child.

The format:

• Philosophical framework for collaborative parenting
• Detailed explanation of CPS methodology
• Extensive dialogue examples
• Application across ages and situations
• Comparison with traditional approaches
• Focus on relationship alongside behavior

The core argument:

Traditional parenting—even good traditional parenting—is built on a power differential: parents know best, children comply, behavior is shaped through guidance and consequences.

Greene proposes an alternative: parents and children are partners in solving the problems that affect their lives together. Neither dictates to the other. Both concerns matter. Solutions emerge collaboratively.

The coverage:

• Why traditional parenting models fall short
• The compatibility of influence and collaboration
• Understanding your child’s perspective
• The three plans (A, B, C) for handling expectations
• Plan B (Collaborative & Proactive Solutions) in depth
• Building skills through collaboration
• Common challenges and how to address them
• Applying CPS at different ages
• The long-term benefits of partnership

The key principles:

1. Kids do well if they can (not “if they want to”)
2. Behind every challenging behavior is an unsolved problem or lagging skill
3. Solving problems collaboratively builds skills AND relationship
4. Your concerns and your child’s concerns both matter equally
5. Partnership doesn’t mean permissiveness

It’s the parenting operating system upgrade. 📖

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The Good Stuff ✅

The Paradigm Shift Is Profound

Rethinking the parent-child relationship:

The traditional model:
Parent as authority. Child as subject. Parent’s job is to shape, guide, direct. Child’s job is to listen, learn, comply.

Greene’s model:
Parent and child as partners. Both have concerns. Both have perspectives. Problems are solved together. Neither dominates.

The question reframed:

Traditional: “How do I get my child to [do what I want]?”

Greene: “How do we solve the problem of [situation where our concerns conflict]?”

The power shift:
This isn’t about giving up authority. It’s about using influence differently—through collaboration rather than imposition.

The respect:
Children are treated as thinking beings with valid perspectives, not just as behavior to be managed.

The preparation:
This is how adult relationships work. Partner with your kids now, and they learn to be partners later.

Fundamental paradigm shift. 🎯

“Your Concerns and Their Concerns Both Matter”

The revolutionary equality:

The traditional hierarchy:
Parent concerns trump child concerns. “Because I said so” is valid. Child’s perspective is secondary.

Greene’s equality:
Both sets of concerns are legitimate. A good solution addresses BOTH—not parent wins or child wins.

The example:

Unsolved problem: Child doesn’t want to do homework right after school.

Parent concern: Homework needs to get done; waiting until evening means tired child and late bedtime.

Child concern: Needs downtime after school; brain is fried; wants to decompress.

Traditional solution: Parent decides. Homework happens when parent says.

Collaborative solution: Find a time that addresses both concerns. Maybe 30 minutes of downtime, then homework, then free time. Child helps design the solution.

The buy-in:
When children help create solutions, they’re more invested in making them work.

The skill-building:
The process teaches problem-solving, perspective-taking, compromise, and communication.

Both concerns matter equally. ✨

The Three Plans Provide Clarity

Options for handling any expectation:

Plan A: Impose Your Will
You decide, child complies. Traditional parenting.

• Creates compliance but not buy-in
• Often triggers conflict with some kids
• Doesn’t build problem-solving skills
• Sometimes necessary (safety issues)
• Should be used sparingly

Plan B: Collaborate
Solve the problem together. CPS approach.

• Addresses both concerns
• Builds skills
• Creates buy-in
• Strengthens relationship
• Takes more time initially

Plan C: Drop the Expectation (For Now)
Strategically decide this isn’t worth addressing right now.

• Not giving in—making a strategic choice
• Reduces conflicts to focus on priorities
• Acknowledges you can’t fix everything at once
• Temporary, not permanent

The clarity:
Every expectation can be handled with A, B, or C. You choose consciously rather than reacting.

The prioritization:
You can’t do Plan B on everything. Some things drop to C. A few stay at A. Most important issues get Plan B attention.

Clear framework for decisions. 💪

Plan B Is Thoroughly Explained

The heart of the methodology:

The three steps:

Step 1 – The Empathy Step:
Gather information about your child’s concern regarding the unsolved problem.

“I’ve noticed that [describe situation]. What’s up?”

Then: listen, clarify, understand. Don’t jump to solutions. Don’t defend. Just understand their concern.

Step 2 – Define the Adult Concern:
Share YOUR concern about the same situation.

“My concern is [your concern].”

Keep it brief. Don’t lecture. Just state your concern.

Step 3 – The Invitation:
Brainstorm solutions together.

“I wonder if there’s a way to [address both concerns]. Do you have any ideas?”

Work together until you find a solution both can live with.

The proactive element:
Plan B conversations happen BEFORE problems occur, not during conflict.

The skill-building:
Every Plan B conversation builds problem-solving, perspective-taking, communication, and flexibility—in both of you.

Methodology clearly detailed. 🌟

It Works for All Kids, Not Just “Explosive” Ones

Universal application:

The origin:
Greene developed CPS for challenging, easily frustrated children who didn’t respond to traditional approaches.

The expansion:
In this book, he argues that collaboration is better for ALL children—not just the difficult ones.

The reasoning:
If partnership builds skills, preserves relationship, creates buy-in, and treats children as capable humans—why would you NOT use it with every child?

The typical child:
Even children who “comply” with traditional parenting benefit from collaboration. Compliance isn’t the goal—development is.

The obedient child concern:
Children who always comply may not be developing problem-solving skills, assertiveness, or the ability to advocate for their own concerns.

The universal principle:
Every child deserves to have their concerns heard and addressed—not just the ones who demand it through challenging behavior.

Applicable to all children. 🛡️

The Relationship Is Centered

Behavior AND connection:

The risk of traditional parenting:
You might get compliance but damage the relationship. The child does what you say but resents you, fears you, or disconnects from you.

The CPS protection:
Collaboration inherently preserves relationship. You’re partners, not adversaries. You’re solving problems together, not imposing solutions.

The long game:
The relationship with your child is more important than any individual behavior issue. Greene keeps this in focus.

The teenager preview:
Children who’ve been collaborated with become teenagers who still talk to you. They’ve learned that their concerns matter and that problems can be solved together.

The trust:
Collaboration builds trust. “My parent listens to me. My concerns matter. We can work things out.”

Relationship protected throughout. 📝

The Dialogue Examples Are Extensive and Realistic

What it actually sounds like:

The value:
Knowing the theory isn’t enough. You need to know what to actually say.

The format:
Extensive sample conversations showing Plan B in action—including when it doesn’t go smoothly.

The realism:
Kids in the dialogues sometimes don’t engage, give unhelpful answers, or propose unworkable solutions. Greene shows how to handle all of this.

The drilling down:
Especially helpful examples of Step 1—how to gather information when the child says “I don’t know” or gives surface-level answers.

The practice:
You can read the dialogues aloud, practice them, internalize the rhythm and language.

The troubleshooting:
Common problems addressed: the silent child, the tangent-prone child, the child who proposes “You do what I want” as the solution.

Realistic, practical examples. 🧠

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The Not-So-Good Stuff 😬

It Requires Significant Mindset Shift

This isn’t a technique—it’s a paradigm:

The challenge:
Greene isn’t offering tips to add to your existing approach. He’s asking you to reconsider the foundation of how you parent.

The resistance:
Many parents will resist. “But I’m the parent.” “Kids need to learn to do what they’re told.” “The world won’t collaborate with them.”

The unlearning:
If you were parented traditionally (most of us were), you have to unlearn ingrained patterns.

The discomfort:
Treating children as partners feels wrong initially. It feels like giving up authority.

The persistence needed:
This paradigm shift takes time to internalize and even longer to implement consistently.

Major mindset shift required. 😬

Plan B Takes Time

Not a quick approach:

The process:
Each Plan B conversation requires:

• Identifying the unsolved problem
• Finding time for a calm, proactive conversation
• Working through all three steps
• Following up on whether solutions work
• Revising when they don’t

The reality:
Overwhelmed, time-poor parents may struggle to find the bandwidth.

The comparison:
Plan A (just telling kids what to do) is faster in the moment—even if it creates more problems long-term.

The investment:
Plan B is front-loaded. It takes more time initially but potentially less time over time as skills develop and problems get solved.

The patience:
Results aren’t immediate. This is skill-building, which is gradual.

Time investment required. 🚩

Some Situations Don’t Fit Collaboration

Not every moment is a Plan B moment:

Safety:
When immediate safety is at stake, you don’t collaborate—you act. Running into traffic isn’t a Plan B conversation.

Age limitations:
Very young children have limited capacity for collaborative problem-solving. The approach adapts but has limits.

Time-sensitive situations:
You can’t have a 20-minute Plan B conversation when you’re late for school.

The clarification:
Greene addresses this—Plan A exists for a reason. But readers might be confused about when collaboration isn’t appropriate.

The balance:
The book could be clearer about the appropriate role of non-collaborative parenting.

Not all situations fit collaboration. 📉

Getting Both Parents on Board

The alignment challenge:

The requirement:
Collaborative parenting works best when all caregivers are aligned.

The reality:
Partners may not agree. One parent might think this is “soft” or “giving in.”

The confusion for kids:
Different approaches from different parents creates inconsistency.

The conflict:
Parenting philosophy disagreements can become relationship conflicts.

The gap:
Greene could provide more guidance on navigating when partners don’t agree.

Partner alignment challenging. 😬

Schools Won’t Collaborate

The institutional mismatch:

The reality:
Most schools operate on Plan A—rules, expectations, consequences.

The challenge:
Children learning collaboration at home encounter command-and-control at school.

The inconsistency:
Different systems in different settings.

The advocacy:
Parents may need to advocate for collaborative approaches at school—often unsuccessfully.

The resources:
Greene has written specifically about schools (Lost at School), but this book doesn’t fully address the school-home gap.

School collaboration limited. 📉

“Both Concerns Matter Equally” Has Limits

Philosophical challenges:

The tension:
Do children’s concerns really matter EQUALLY to adults’ concerns in all cases?

The examples:
A child’s concern about not wanting vegetables doesn’t equal the parent’s concern about nutrition in quite the same way.

The developmental reality:
Children lack the experience and cognitive development to fully evaluate some concerns.

The parental responsibility:
Some things parents know are important even when children don’t understand why.

The nuance needed:
Greene’s approach works, but “equally” may overstate the philosophical case.

“Equal concerns” has limits. 😬

The Book Can Feel Repetitive

Core concepts repeated extensively:

The pattern:
Key ideas are explained, then re-explained, then illustrated, then re-explained again.

The effect:
Readers who grasp concepts quickly may find portions tedious.

The reason:
Greene wants thorough understanding. Repetition serves that goal.

The preference:
Some appreciate the reinforcement; others want more concise presentation.

The solution:
Skim sections that repeat what you’ve absorbed.

Repetitive content. 📉

Less Focus on the “Why” of Child Behavior

Understanding drives problems:

The approach:
Greene focuses on the WHAT (unsolved problems) and the HOW (Plan B) more than the WHY (underlying causes).

The gap:
Why does your child have difficulty with homework? Why do transitions trigger meltdowns? Understanding underlying causes (anxiety, sensory issues, learning differences) isn’t the focus.

The complement needed:
Books that help understand the root causes of challenging behavior complement this methodology.

The limitation:
Plan B solves problems without necessarily addressing underlying issues.

Root causes less emphasized. 😬

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Who Is This For? 🎯

Perfect if you:

• Want to fundamentally rethink your parenting approach
• Value relationship alongside behavior
• Are willing to invest time in collaborative conversations
• Want to build your child’s problem-solving skills
• Have a partner who will engage with the approach
• Are open to treating children as partners
• Think long-term, not just immediate compliance

Not ideal if you:

• Want quick behavioral fixes
• Are satisfied with your current approach
• Don’t have time for extensive conversations
• Have a partner firmly opposed to collaboration
• Need guidance on underlying causes of behavior
• Want more directive, structured guidance
• Have very young children (limited applicability)

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Alternatives Worth Considering 🔄

The Explosive Child by Ross W. Greene: Greene’s original book applying CPS to challenging children. More focused on difficult behavior. Essential if that’s your situation. 🏆

Lost at School by Ross W. Greene: Applies CPS to school settings. Essential if school behavior is a major concern.

How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish: Communication-focused approach with similar respect for children. Different framework, complementary wisdom.

Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids by Dr. Laura Markham: Connection-based parenting that complements CPS. More focus on emotional regulation.

No-Drama Discipline by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson: Brain-based approach to discipline. Helps understand the “why” behind behavior that CPS addresses.

The Self-Driven Child by William Stixrud and Ned Johnson: Focus on autonomy and sense of control. Complementary philosophy about respecting children’s agency. 📚

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The Final Verdict 🏅

Raising Human Beings offers something genuinely transformative: a complete rethinking of the parent-child relationship. Greene’s argument that collaboration is not just possible but preferable to traditional authority-based parenting is compelling, well-reasoned, and practically supported.

The Collaborative & Proactive Solutions model gives parents a concrete methodology for implementing partnership. The three plans (A, B, C) provide clarity for handling any situation. The extensive dialogue examples show what collaboration actually looks and sounds like. And the focus on building skills rather than just managing behavior has profound long-term implications.

For parents willing to question assumptions, invest time, and think long-term, this book offers a fundamentally better way to parent—one that builds capable, problem-solving humans while preserving the relationship you need with your child.

However, the paradigm shift is significant and may meet resistance—internal and external. Plan B takes time that overwhelmed parents may not have. Partner and school alignment is challenging. And the “equal concerns” philosophy, while valuable, has nuances the book doesn’t fully address.

The useful parts:

• Profound paradigm shift in parent-child relationship
• Both concerns matter equally is revolutionary
• Three plans (A, B, C) provide clear framework
• Plan B methodology thoroughly explained
• Applies to all children, not just challenging ones
• Relationship centered throughout
• Extensive realistic dialogue examples

The problematic parts:

• Requires significant mindset shift
• Plan B takes time
• Some situations don’t fit collaboration
• Partner alignment challenging
• Schools won’t collaborate
• “Equal concerns” has limits
• Can be repetitive

The best approach: Start with the paradigm shift. Let “kids do well if they can” and “both concerns matter” reshape how you think about your child. Then pick ONE recurring unsolved problem to address with Plan B. Master that before expanding. Be patient—you’re building skills in yourself and your child. And don’t expect perfection from yourself; you’re learning a new language.

The bottom line: Raising Human Beings asks a fundamental question: What kind of humans are you trying to raise?

If the answer is “humans who comply with authority,” then traditional parenting might serve you fine.

But if the answer is “humans who can solve problems, consider multiple perspectives, advocate for their needs while respecting others, and function as partners rather than subordinates”—then traditional parenting, even good traditional parenting, falls short.

Collaborative parenting doesn’t mean permissive parenting. It means partnering with your child to solve the problems that affect your lives together. It means treating their concerns as legitimate. It means involving them in solutions. It means building skills, not just managing behavior.

Your child will eventually become an adult. No one will tell them what to do anymore. They’ll need to solve problems, navigate relationships, balance competing concerns, and advocate for themselves while considering others.

You can start teaching those skills now. Not by lecturing about them, but by doing them—together.

That’s what raising human beings means. Not raising children who obey. Raising humans who can function—skillfully, collaboratively, respectfully—in a world that will require exactly that.

Greene shows you how. The question is whether you’re ready to partner with your child to find out. 🤝💙✨

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Did Raising Human Beings change how you think about parenting? What was hardest about shifting to collaboration? What breakthroughs did you experience? Share your experience below!