The Hurried Child Review: Are We Stealing Childhood?

We live in a world of acceleration. Fast food, high-speed internet, instant messaging, and same-day delivery. It was perhaps inevitable that this “need for speed” would bleed into the most delicate process of all: raising human beings. We want our children to read earlier, count faster, score higher, and grow up sooner.

But at what cost?

In 1981, child psychologist David Elkind published a book that would become a prophecy. “The Hurried Child: Growing Up Too Fast Too Soon” warned that by treating children like miniature adults, we were stripping them of their mental health and their creativity. Over forty years later, in an age of TikTok influencers and competitive preschool admissions, Elkind’s message isn’t just relevant; it is urgent.

In this comprehensive review, we will explore the timeless wisdom of “The Hurried Child,” analyze how it holds up in the digital age, and ask the hard question: Are we stealing our children’s childhoods?

Stop the rush and reclaim childhood: Find “The Hurried Child” here

Part I: The Central Thesis—The Myth of the “Competent Child”

Elkind’s premise is built on a sociological shift. In previous centuries, children were seen as needing protection. They were viewed as developing beings who required time to ripen.

However, in the late 20th century (and accelerating into the 21st), society shifted toward the view of the “Competent Child.”

The Myth: We began to believe that children are ready to handle anything adults can handle, just in smaller doses. We assume they can handle complex information (war, crime, sexuality) and complex schedules (double shifts of school and sports).
The Reality: Elkind argues that while children may be intelligent, they lack the emotional experience to process adult stressors. When we force them to cope with adult problems, we don’t make them mature; we make them anxious.

The book argues that “hurrying” isn’t just about a busy schedule. It is about developmental acceleration. It is the pressure to skip stages. It is the kindergartner taking standardized tests. It is the tween dressing like a 25-year-old. It is the removal of the protective barrier between the adult world and the child’s world.

Part II: The Three Arenas of Hurrying

Elkind breaks down the pressure into three main categories. While his original examples were from the 80s and 90s, they map terrifyingly well onto today’s landscape.

1. The Hurried School

This is perhaps the most heavily researched part of the book. Elkind is a fierce critic of the “academicization” of early childhood.

The Problem: Preschools and kindergartens, once places of play and socialization, have become “boot camps” for the first grade. We use flashcards instead of finger paints.
The Consequence: Elkind cites research showing that early readers often do not maintain their advantage by middle school, but they do show higher levels of test anxiety and a loss of curiosity. When we turn learning into a “performance,” we kill the joy of discovery.

2. The Hurried Media

Elkind wrote this before the iPhone, but his observations on television and music apply tenfold to social media.

The Exposure: Media exposes children to violence, sexuality, and consumerism long before they have the critical thinking skills to understand it.
The Message: Media tells children that “image is everything.” It encourages Pseudomaturity—acting grown-up without being grown-up.
Modern Lens: Today, we see this in “Sephora Kids” (10-year-olds using anti-aging creams) or toddlers knowing viral TikTok dances that are suggestive in nature. The media hurries them into adolescent behaviors while they are still emotionally children.

3. The Hurried Family

This is the hardest pill for parents to swallow. Elkind argues that parents often hurry children to alleviate their own anxiety.

The Trophy Child: In a competitive world, children become symbols of the parents’ competence. If my child is the captain of the soccer team and on the Honor Roll, I must be a good parent.
The “surrogate partner”: Single parents or emotionally lonely parents sometimes treat their children as confidants, sharing adult worries (financial troubles, romantic issues) with them. This forces the child to carry an emotional load they are not designed to bear.

Read the classic that predicted the modern anxiety crisis: Search “The Hurried Child”

Part III: The Symptoms of the Hurried Child

What happens when you rev an engine in neutral? It overheats. Elkind argues that “hurrying” causes internal overheating in children, manifesting in distinct ways.

1. Free-Floating Anxiety

This is anxiety that doesn’t have a specific trigger. The child is just “nervous” all the time. They are waiting for the other shoe to drop because they feel the weight of expectation constantly.

2. Type A Behavior in Kids

We used to think Type A (competitive, aggressive, time-urgent) was an executive businessman trait. Elkind noticed it appearing in elementary schoolers. These are the kids who cry if they get a B+, who can’t sit still, and who view their peers as rivals rather than friends.

3. The Loss of Play

This is the heart of Elkind’s philosophy (he was a student of Jean Piaget). Play is nature’s way of dealing with stress. When a child plays “school” or “house,” they are processing their world. When we fill every hour with structured activities (soccer practice, piano lessons, tutoring), we strip them of the one thing that helps them decompress.

The Result: Without play, stress accumulates until it explodes in somatic symptoms (stomach aches, headaches) or behavioral issues.

Part IV: The “Honest” Critique—Is It Still Relevant?

Reviewing a book from 1981 (even with its 2001/2007 updates) requires a critical eye. Does it hold up?

The Pros:

It is eerily prophetic. Everything Elkind warned about has gotten worse. The decline of recess, the rise of childhood anxiety, the sexualization of tween clothing—he saw it all coming.
It validates “Slow Parenting.” If you feel crazy because you don’t want to sign your 4-year-old up for travel soccer, this book is your vindication. It provides the psychological backing to say “No.”
It champions the “Late Bloomer.” Elkind reminds us that development is not a race. A child who reads at 7 is not “behind” a child who reads at 5; they are just on a different timeline.

The Cons:

Some references are dated. Depending on the edition you buy, you might find references to “program-length commercials” (like He-Man) or fears about “video arcades.” You have to mentally swap these for “YouTube algorithms” and “Fortnite.”
It can feel guilt-inducing. If you are a working parent relying on after-school programs, or if your child loves their busy schedule, Elkind can feel judgmental. He is a purist. He believes in the sanctity of an unhurried childhood, which is a luxury not all modern families can afford.
Lack of “Digital” Solutions. While the principles apply, the book doesn’t give specific advice on how to handle smartphones or cyberbullying, which are the primary accelerants of hurrying today.

Part V: Comparison to Modern Works

“The Hurried Child” is the grandfather of the “Slow Parenting” movement. Here is how it compares to its descendants:

Vs. “Simplicity Parenting” (Kim John Payne):

Simplicity Parenting is the “how-to” manual. It gives you steps to declutter toys and schedules.
The Hurried Child is the “manifesto.” It explains the sociological and psychological reasons why we are here.
Verdict: Read Elkind to understand the problem; read Payne to fix it.

Vs. “Free-Range Kids” (Lenore Skenazy):

Free-Range Kids focuses on safety paranoia (letting kids walk to school).
The Hurried Child focuses on emotional and academic pressure.
Verdict: They complement each other. Skenazy says “trust them physically”; Elkind says “protect them emotionally.”

Vs. “The Anxious Generation” (Jonathan Haidt – 2024):

Haidt’s new work focuses almost exclusively on the smartphone/social media rewiring of the brain.
Elkind focuses on the adult expectations placed on the child.
Verdict: Elkind provides the foundation. The smartphone is just the tool; the hurrying is the mindset.

Part VI: What Can Parents Do?

Elkind doesn’t leave us in despair. He offers a path forward, though it requires courage.

1. Contract, Don’t Expand

Resist the urge to add “one more thing.” If your child is struggling, the answer is rarely more tutoring or more structure. It is usually less. Give them the gift of boredom.

2. Differentiate “Support” from “Pressure”

Support: “I am here to help you if you fall.”
Pressure: “I need you to succeed so I feel good.”
Parents must check their own egos at the door.

3. Protect the “Garden”

Elkind uses the metaphor of a garden. You cannot pull a seedling to make it grow faster; you will only uproot it. You can only provide soil, water, and sun.

Practical Step: Delay the introduction of adult concepts. Keep the news off when kids are in the room. Don’t discuss financial worries with a 7-year-old. Let them believe the world is safe for a little while longer.

4. Return to Play

Prioritize unstructured play. Not “educational games,” but just… play. Sticks, dirt, dolls, blocks. This is where the brain builds the resilience it needs for adulthood.

Find the book that started the movement: The Hurried Child Search Page

Part VII: The Verdict

“The Hurried Child” is not a comfortable read. It forces us to look in the mirror and ask if our “high standards” are actually just “high anxiety.” It challenges the very structure of our school systems and our economy.

However, it is a necessary read. In a culture that worships speed, Elkind is the voice urging us to tap the brakes. He reminds us that childhood is not a dress rehearsal for adulthood; it is a distinct, vital season of life that deserves to be savored, not rushed.

If you have ever looked at your stressed-out second grader and thought, “This isn’t right,” David Elkind is here to tell you: You are not crazy. You are right. And it is time to slow down.

Review Summary:

Relevance: 5/5 (Timeless)
Scientific Basis: 5/5 (Rooted in Piagetian psychology)
Practicality: 3/5 (More philosophical than tactical)
Emotional Impact: 5/5
Readability: 4/5 (Academic but accessible)

Disclaimer: This review is for informational purposes only. The concepts in “The Hurried Child” are sociological and psychological observations. For specific concerns regarding your child’s anxiety or development, consult a pediatrician or child psychologist.

Meta Data for This Post

Meta Title: The Hurried Child Review: Are We Stealing Childhood? (David Elkind)

Meta Description: Are we forcing kids to grow up too fast? Our review of David Elkind’s classic “The Hurried Child” explores the dangers of rushing development and how to reclaim play.

Focus Keyphrase: The Hurried Child review

URL Slug: /the-hurried-child-review-david-elkind

Tiny Tots